Page 103 of Hard To Leave

Her body went stiff. “Why would I lie to you?” She was practically choking on her words. It brought me no pleasure to see her so upset. “If I wanted Brogan, I could have him, but it’s you that I want. Not him.”

I had so much rage flowing through me, I couldn’t contain it even if I wanted to. “Do you know what it felt like watching you with him? It fucking ripped me open from the inside out. I know he’s Tanner’s father. I know in my head he has every right to be here, but he doesn’t have a fucking right to touch you, to put his fucking hands on you.”

“The only person I want touching me is you!” she yelled, getting right up in my face. “I can’t stop him from coming around. He’s trying to build a relationship with his son. And I won’t stop him from doing that.”

I looked up at the sky, begging it for answers. “I don’t know if I can share you guys. It hurts too much.”

“You don’t have to share me.” Her eyes blurred with tears as she spoke. “Do you think this is easy for me? No matter what you think, I’m hurting too.” Her eyes closed. “He’s Tanner’s dad. I have no control over that, but I need you to listen to me. Really listen to me. When it comes to us, it’s only you. I don’t know how else I can make you see that.”

I shook my head, trying to calm the noise that was rattling around in my brain long enough to where I could think. They shared a bond that I couldn’t compete with. I loved her, and I probably always would. But seeing them together made me feel weak. I knew she was hurting, and I didn’t doubt that she loved me, but she didn’t realize how this changed everything. Tanner had a father now, and I was just his mom’s boyfriend. A stepfather at best.

On top of that, I didn’t want to always doubt what she was doing when we weren’t together. Worry about how much time they were spending together. Worry about her someday waking up and realizing that she chose the wrong guy.

I didn’t want Tanner to get caught in the middle either. I’ve seen what this kind of shit could do to a kid. The last thing I wanted was for him to get hurt. I loved her, more than I thought was humanly possible, but I knew I had to let her go.

I took her hand in mind. “I can’t do this. I’m sorry.”

She looked at me as the tears fell. “So that’s it. You’re just giving up on us? After everything we shared, all the promises we’ve made, you’re just going to walk away?” Her voice trembled. “I don’t want to lose you, but I can’t keep letting you push me away. All I want is to be with you. I’ve told you this a thousand times, but I can’t force you to believe me. I can’t keep doing this.” She pulled her hand from mine. “I’m the only one fighting for us.” She looked away, and something shifted; I could feel it, and it made me sick to my stomach. “I’m not going to beg anymore. If you want to go back to your life in New York, then go. But just remember that this was your choice, not mine.”

She folded her arms across her middle and broke down. A few people walked by and started to stare, so I brought her in my arms as she cried against my chest. I was battling against everything inside of me because I didn’t want to let her go.

She pulled away, and I bent to kiss her. How the hell was I supposed to get on that plane and go back to my life in New York? A life without her and Tanner?

I hated myself. I wish things were different, but they weren’t. I never thought it would be thishard to leavea life that I never even knew I wanted until now.

I pressed a kiss to her lips. I wanted to savor the taste, remember everything about her because I knew I never would feel this way about another woman again. “I love you, Chloe. I’m so sorry.”

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