Page 39 of Hard To Love

Chapter Fourteen

No, no, no… this could not be happening! The enormity of the situation immediately overwhelmed me as the prophetic warning that Cassie and Jack had provided echoed through my brain. His icy blue eyes stared right through me and a look of anger crept across his face. Helplessly, I took a deep breath and swallowed a lump in the back of my throat as he sat down on the bed, hanging his head in disbelief.

His strong hands were still holding the phone, displaying the message that just sent my world in a tailspin. I needed to make him understand what had happened. When my hands touched his face, I flinched as his arms exploded upward and he threw the cell phone against my wall. The device exploded in a shower of glass and plastic that rained down the apartment floor.

Okay, I thought to myself, he was going to need a few minutes to calm down.

“I trusted you. I fucking trusted you!” he said like he couldn’t believe he allowed himself to let his guard down.

The hurt look in his eyes spoke volumes, more than the anger that I felt rolling off of his tense body. I allowed him a few deep breaths before I spoke again.

“Chase, I’m sorry. This isn’t what it looks like.”

He treated my words with indifference and continued to stare past me. He uttered an unexpected laugh; not the playful kind we shared only hours earlier but one filled with bitterness and disdain.

“What exactly does it look like, Emily?” His voice sounded cold and indifferent. “When were you going to tell me?” His eyes looked to mine, demanding an explanation.

I stammered, trying to gather my words that would assuage his anger.

“We met last night for dinner to clear the air. I felt bad for how I left things. That text is not what you think it is!” I couldn’t believe I was so stupid. I knew hindsight was 20/20 and I should have told Chase that I was meeting him, but I wanted to wait for a good time to tell him. Clearly, there was never going to be a good time to tell him.

He got up and started pacing the room like his head was spinning. Unsure of what his reaction would be I sat on my bed waiting for his next move. I sensed a shift in his emotions when he started to speak in a calm and collected manner.

“When did you make these plans?” No matter which way I played it, I realized that I was screwed either way.

“Yesterday afternoon.” I answered, my voice sounding defeated.

He blinked his eyes before snapping them to mine. “So, let me get this straight.” He said taunting me. “You knew you were meeting your ex-boyfriend for dinner last night, for the entire afternoon. Am I right?” I felt my mouth go dry as his questioning started to paint me into a corner. I just nodded in silent agreement. “So, all afternoon while we were exchanging messages, you knew about your plans and you intentionally didn’t tell me.”

My eyes closed, begging my brain to come up with something clever to say to get me out of this mess. Unfortunately, fear and panic had taken over and no good thoughts came to my rescue. I knew I had my reasons for not wanting to be forthcoming with him yesterday, but none of them made any sense in that moment.

“This is why I don’t do fucking relationships,” he shouted. “I let my guard down with you, I trusted you,” He was getting louder and I was starting to become concerned. I knew I should’ve spoken up and tried to defend myself but I chose to let him go and get everything off his chest. I reminded myself that he just needed a few minutes to blow off some steam. I would explain my reasons for not telling him as soon as he calmed down.

I was so naïve to think that my actions wouldn’t cause any harm. My judgment was blinded by my attempt to be sympathetic to Brad and not thinking of the damage it could cause to my relationship with Chase.

I stood up, slowly making my way over to him. Not only was I angry with myself for causing this shit storm; I was devastated by the thought that this could be the end of our relationship. I could barely breathe at the thought.

He walked over to the bed and grabbed his shoes and pulled up his jeans. He threw his shirt over his head as I approached him, pulling it over his perfectly sculpted abs. Holding up his hand he stopped me in place. “Don’t,” He said staring at the ground unwilling to look at me.

“Chase.” I pleaded. “You need to let me explain.” I was desperate and I needed to somehow get through to him.

Before I said a word, we watched the door to my bedroom burst open. Cassie was standing in the doorway with her eyes filled with a look of both of concern and confusion.

“What the heck is going on here?” she asked, looking between us.

“Ask your friend,” he shouted as he stormed past Cassie and me, slamming the apartment door on his way out causing a picture to fly off the wall. I stood there shocked, frozen in place and unable to move. What the hell just happened? I couldn’t believe he left without letting me explain. My body heaved with each sob, and the thought that things could really be over started to make its way into my head. Cassie wrapped her arms around me as I threw my face into her shoulder and sobbed.

* * *

Other than myquick stop to the Verizon store on my way to work to get a replacement phone for the one that Chase broke, the rest of the day seemed to unfold in slow motion. I was hoping the shock would wear off but my body was just numb. I tried unsuccessfully to let my work distract me, but my thoughts kept getting drawn back into the chaotic events of the morning. The sting of his words should have worn off by now, instead they seeped their way through my chest anchoring themselves over my heavy heart.

Feeling frustrated, I picked up the office phone and buzzed Jonathan “Hey, can you please reschedule my two appointments this afternoon?”

“Everything okay?” He asked, sounding surprised.

Pressing the phone up to my ear, I swiveled around in my chair and started to massage my temples. “I’m not in any condition to meet with anyone today.”

“Do I need to kick anyone’s ass?”

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