Page 67 of Hard To Love

Chapter Twenty-Two

Chase threwhis keys on the counter as we walked into his apartment. He immediately made his way over to the wine cabinet to inspect his available options. I slid into a seat at the kitchen counter and watched him fumble with the wine opener as he uncorked a bottle of wine. Even though his back was to me, I could see the tension in his shoulders and his sigh could be felt through the room. It has been an hour since we left the restaurant and we still hadn’t spoken a word.

After he set my glass down, he walked past the wine bottle and aggressively reached into the liquor cabinet, and poured himself a tall glass of Ketel One with a single rock. I started to nervously run my fingers along the rim of the glass and wondered when he would break the silence. A tight knot took root in the back of my throat as I watched him stare at his glass as if it held the answers to all his problems. His hand reached over and fisted the crystal tumbler so tight, I thought he might crush it. Then he lifted his eyes to mine and his unnerving gaze was so somber it had my breath stilling in my lungs.

I watched him lift the glass to his mouth and throw it back in one swallow. His head tilted back and his eyes slid shut as the liquid made its way down the back of his throat. When his eyes slid open, the emotion I saw had my heart twisted around in my chest.

He slammed the glass down on the counter then raked his hands through his hair as if he were searching for his next words.

His eyes started to thaw as he reached across the kitchen island and took my hand in his. The soothing gesture of his touch helped calm my nerves slightly, but my body still braced for a verbal explosion.

“I miss you.” He said in a nervous, tentative voice that was so low, I could hardly hear him.

My hand squeezed his, “I miss you, too.”

Seeing him at the restaurant tonight triggered something inside of me. It forced me to see things in a different light. I still didn’t have all the answers, but I knew I wanted to figure things out.

“Where should we start?”

The ache in his voice was enough to break me.

Hot tears stung my eyes threatening to blur my vision. “You said you wanted to talk?”

He pulled away, and leaned his back against the counter with his arms crossed. “God, Emily, I don’t even know where to start.” He sighed, then raked his hands over his face.

My heart braced itself for whatever it was that he was about tell me. So much had happened over this past month. What if too much had changed? What if we couldn’t be fixed? That thought shattered me. I knew I loved him more than I should—so much that I would rather cut my own heart out before I ever had to endure the pain of losing him again.

Chase stepped towards me, and spun me around on my stool to face him. He ran his hands down my arms in a soothing gesture.

“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking since we’ve been apart.” He stared at me for a beat. “And do you know what I discovered?”

I silently shook my head trying to hold in the emotion that was fighting to escape.

He pressed the pad of his thumb against my lips. His touch awakened every nerve ending in my system as the heat of his skin lingered over my mouth.“It didn’t matter where I was or who I was with. Every thought, every emotion, every breath I took, led straight back to you.”

My eyes pricked with tears. He gently brushed a strand of hair out of my eyes before wiping them away. I was so taken by his words I was unable to respond.

“I found myself missing everything about you. Your smile, your laugh, your touch.” He closed his eyes then rested his hands on either side of my face. “I love my brother, and I care about Elizabeth, but I can’t live without you. I’m not strong enough to keep up this fight. I need you. So, that’s why I told Colin, that I was done lying for him. It’s over. I choose you. I choose us.”

A violent sob broke free. I cried harder than I had ever cried in my life. I cried for the pain he put me through, I cried for all the time we’d lost, but most importantly I cried for god granting us a second chance. There were no more secrets. There were no more lies, just love. Beautiful, unconditional love. A love that was strong enough to endure any challenge. A love, that continued to build, and grew deeper with each passing day. Our love wasn’t easy, but it was solid. It was ahard love, one that never faded or weakened, only grew stronger as time went on.

“I’m so sorry…” I managed to get out between sobs as his hands cradled my head. My heart tugged in my chest and for a moment I thought it would rip right open. “I’m sorry for everything I put us both through. I’m sorry for walking out on you. I’m sorry for asking you to choose me over your family.”

I struggled between sobs as I told him the words that I didn’t ever want him to forget. “I’m so sorry I hurt you.I love you more than you could ever imagine. No matter what happens, that will never change. You’re it for me! Only you!”

I loved him beyond measure. The connection I shared with him was stronger than I could ever explain.

He gazed at me with so much emotion in his eyes I couldn’t move. “Emily, look at me.”

I blinked up at him through my heavy lashes. He lifted his fingers and curled them around the back of my neck pulling me closer to him. “We wouldn’t be standing here right now, if you hadn’t left me. You walking out on me was the best thing that could have ever happened to us. It forced me to realize how important you are to me. You don’t need to be sorry, because even though I hated what we had to go through, I wouldn’t change a thing because it brought me to right here and right now. And I would walk through fire and turn this world upside down to be in this moment with you right now.”

My heart was so full I never knew it could feel this way. Chase Newman would forever be the man that would own every single piece of me. I was his, in every way that mattered. Now that I had him back, I would never let anything or anyone come between us again.

He snaked his hands around my waist and pulled our bodies closer together. We stared at each other in silence, both of us were afraid to break the connection. Seeing him look so vulnerable had me at a loss for words.

When his hands reached out to cup my cheeks, I wanted to melt into them. He brushed his lips gently across mine, slowly teasing the corner of my mouth. As soon as he slid his tongue inside, it didn’t take long for the sweetness and the tenderness to turn into a burning fire. Everything else around us dissolved into a blur. It was as if time had stood still and the events of the last four weeks had vanished into thin air. My heart felt lighter, and the weight I had been carrying around was no longer there.

His kiss slowed to a stop and he suddenly pulled away, “Sweetheart, I know we have a lot to talk about, but it’s been way too long. I need you in my bed. Now.”

I had to remind myself to breathe as my heart continued to pound rapidly against my chest. I needed his touch like I needed my next heartbeat. My fingers clumsily reached out and grabbed his shirt, and yanked our bodies together so our lips could connect. I deepened the kiss as a loud, primal growl escaped his mouth.

His heavy breath tickled my ear when he spoke. “Do you trust me?”

Without hesitation, I replied, “Yes.”

“Thank fuck! The time for talking is later. We have some lost time to make up for.” He started to push me towards the bedroom. Our hands eagerly grabbed at every inch of flesh they could reach. As we entered the darkened room, he kicked the door shut with his heel and without warning he spun me around and pressed my body up against the solid wooden panel. His hands were eager and filled with pent up energy as he pulled my dress over my head. The need to feel his skin against mine had me frantically tearing at the buttons of his shirt. I wanted to feel his hands and mouth all over my body, and couldn’t wait to have every delicious inch of him buried deep inside me.

My legs wrapped around his waist as he lifted me up and carried me to the bed. I bit down on my bottom lip, feeling the buildup as it surged through me. I couldn’t believe I almost gave this all up. Almost threw it all away. I would never again take what we had for granted. If our time apart had proven anything, it was that I could never get him out of my system. He was my person, my safe place, my forever.

---