Page 17 of Hard To Love

I bit down on my lip trying to suppress a laugh.

Instead of caving in, he continued with his taunt. “I can assure you that my head is not the only part of my body that is big.”

Holy Shit. I thought as his intended double entendre was clear and I started to feel my cheeks heat up from his comment. I shifted in my seat and re-crossed my legs in a vain attempt to suppress the desire that was trying to escape between them.

It was time to shift gears again. “What made you decide to become a lawyer?” My brain was still processing that information, because if I’m being honest, his owning a nightclub seemed to fit his personality better. I was having a hard time picturing him sitting in a library for hours on end studying law books. Or sitting behind a desk buried under an avalanche of paperwork. I pictured him roaming the nightclubs, working that sexy as sin smile, and staying out all night partying. Talk about not judging a book by its cover.

“Would you believe me if I told you it was because I wanted to save the world?”

I laughed. “No, but I believe that you would believe that.”

A loud laugh rumbled from his chest “Honestly…” he said with the playfulness leaving his eyes. “As you already know, I love sports. My dream was to someday work in the sports management field. You know like in the front office, PR, etc… anyways…” He cleared his throat. “In order to do that I had to get my law degree. Plus, my father is a lawyer and the line of work is secure and the pay isn’t so bad either.”

I guess that made sense.

The next thing I knew, we had pulled up to the front of my apartment building and my brain searched for the perfectnon sequiturto keep our conversation alive. I was consumed by the thoughts of how much I was attracted to this man and I didn’t want the evening to end.

My body shifted towards his. “Thank you for getting me home safe and sound.”

This was the part that I hated, because I really wasn’t sure what happened next. I was imagining all sorts of things that included: a kiss, an invite inside, and hopefully him spending the night. All those thoughts tumbled through my mind one by one. I found myself licking my lips as I stared at his mouth, hoping that the last thought would come true. Suddenly a one-night stand with him seemed pretty damned appealing.

He lifted his gaze towards me as he turned the car off and unbuckled his seatbelt. He reached for my hand, gently holding it in his, softly tracing small circles with his thumb on the back of mine. It was so intimate and so incredibly sweet. “See,” he said grinning. “I guess I’m not a serial killer after all.”

I smiled tentatively. “Would you like to come inside?” My nerves were rattled, and I was pretty sure he knew that by the shake in my voice.

My anxiety started to spike the moment his eyes landed on mine. He pulled his hand away and started running it through his hair, like he had suddenly become nervous. “I would love to come in, but I’m not sure that would be such a good idea right now.”

My stomach dropped and I started to question if I had been out of the dating scene too long? I took a deep breath, trying to understand how I misread the situation. As much as I wanted an explanation, I wasn’t sure I would be able to handle the truth. I unbuckled my seat belt and willed my heart to settle down, at least until I made it to my front door.

Forcing a smile on my face, I tried to conceal the hurt from his rejection. “Okay, then. Thanks for the ride, I guess.”

My voice must have sounded more irritated than I intended because he started laughing. “You sound like you’re disappointed?”

In my defense, I felt like I was sending a pretty clear signal, but seeing that he just declined my invitation, self-doubt started to flood my brain.

“Thanks for the ride home, Chase. It was nice meeting you.” I opened the door and started to walk quickly towards the stairs of my apartment building.

“Wait!” he shouted, jogging to try and catch up with me. “I need your number. I told you I would see you again, and I’m a man of my word.”

He was standing in front of me and all I could think about was how much I wanted to kiss him and feel his perfect body against mine. Instead of reaching in and giving me a kiss, he reached into his jacket pocket and grabbed his cell phone. That second rejection left me feeling hurt and insecure. Because, it was clear he wasn’t going to give me what I really wanted and I really wanted that damn kiss.

Confused by these events, I still managed to give him the ten digits that were my phone number and I watched him slowly add them into the directory. He reached in and gave me a chaste kiss on the cheek and watched me walk up the stairs of my building. When I got to the top, I gave him a slight wave, letting him know it was okay for him to leave me for the night.

He shot me a wink, as his wheels squealed against the pavement leaving me more confused than ever.

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