Page 94 of Atone

And unlike the pause that ripped me apart when Patience asked Mila how she feels about me, Mila answers this time with complete surety.

Patience shakes her head, circling my car to climb in. “And to think, I was going to stay in LA and skip this dinner.”

30

I’M RIGHT HERE

MILA

The driveto the Lancaster estate is quiet.

Patience sits in the backseat, staring out the window, not a flicker of emotion on her face. The only evidence of her nerves is her fingers tangling with the fuzz on her shirt.

When Alex spoke to her, I didn’t know if she would be angry or surprised, so it shocked me that her emotions spilled out in the form of tears. In all the time we’ve been friends, I’ve never seen her cry. Never seen her show much more than anger on her clipped spectrum of emotions. It was a quick reminder of how important Alex is to her.

Alex doesn’t move his hand from my leg as he drives us across town. One hand grips the steering wheel while the other traces circles on the bare skin of my thigh. It’s not teasing or sexual, but there’s comfort in it.

Looking over at him, I try to read the shadows of his expression in the darkness. He stood up for me with his sister. When she asked how I felt about him, I almost admitted I need him more than anything. That he’s the firstperson to actually see me. That I’m falling for him so hard and fast, I don’t want to stop.

But I swallowed that down for Patience’s sake, not sure how she would react. And when I stood there frozen in silence, Alex spoke so I wouldn’t have to. He handed her his secretfor me.

He defendedus.

We haven’t defined our relationship, but there’s no doubt in my mind that Alex and I are becoming something more. These roots are taking shape, breaking through the soil. A bud on the verge of blooming. I fight that urge to starve it—to deny it the water it needs to flourish. But I can’t. Alex reaches into the corners of darkness and finds his way in.

Not just with my body, but with my heart.

As if Alex senses my mind working, his fingers dip between my thighs. He squeezes my leg with a grip meant to settle me. To tell me he sees me, even when he’s not looking.

The comfort of his gesture stretches until we pull to a stop in front of his parents’ house, and the doom I’ve sensed all night trickles back. This is one invitation I shouldn’t have accepted, but there’s no running now.

The Lancaster residence looms like a bad omen in the night.

White brick glows under the moon, brightly cutting through the night. A man stands at the front door, holding it open and waiting while we all sit frozen, staring through the windshield at him.

“Long trip for a dinner,” I say to Patience, trying to calm my nerves.

“My mother wanted to have a chat in person.” Sheswallows hard, meeting Alex’s gaze through the rearview mirror. “They didn’t tell you I’d be here, I’m guessing?”

He shakes his head.

“Wonderful. More games,” Patience grumbles, climbing out of the car first.

“I feel like I’m stepping into something personal,” I say to Alex, still frozen in my seat.

He leans in, burying his face in my neck and planting a kiss on my collarbone. “I’ll be right there the entire time.”

If anyone is watching, his closeness hides the fact that he’s speaking to me, which means that even if he did break his silence with Patience, he has no intention of doing the same with his parents tonight.

“Why do you want me here?” I ask as he plants another kiss on my neck.

“Because I always want you near me.” Alex pulls back, cupping my jaw to lean in for a kiss.

It’s gentle but tense. Filled with restraint. Chained like the ghosts I imagine wander this place. But even if he might be the one to need comfort right now, he offers it to me.

A soft touch. A sweet caress.

Gentleness that bleeds the grip of the monster he’s holding back.

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