Page 120 of Atone

I don’t deserve it.

Mila’s gaze drops to my clenched hands, so I relax them. For years, the pain of my scars was all that kept me sane because it meant I was still here. But lately, they don’t ache like they did. Pain dulls.

When Mila finishes her hair, she spins in her navy-blue summer dress to face me. “Are you re-enrolling at Briar next semester now that you’ve moved back into Sigma House?”

“I was planning on it.” I rest my hands behind me on the bed.

“Then what happens now?”

“With what?”

She walks over to the bed, moving to sit beside me. But I grab her waist at the last second, pulling her onto my lapinstead. She is the ray of sunshine in a dark room, and I’m the shadows desperate to drink her down.

“What’s next with everything, I guess. Your major. The future… Us.” She bites her lip at the last one, hinting that’s what she’s actually worried about. “After this summer ends and you get back into the swing of things, you’ll be busy with Sigma House and?—”

“All I want is you, Mila.”

She frowns. “I’m being serious.”

“So am I.” I kiss the back of her hand.

“You’ve had me lots of ways already, Alex.” Her cheeks blush. “High school girls might not have gotten your attention, but this is college now. Everyone’s older. Prettier.”

“I don’t give a fuck about anyone else. Trust me on that.”

She rests her forehead against mine, closing her eyes. “And I’m enough?”

It’s very rare that Mila lets anyone see her insecurity. At first, I didn’t know if she had any. But the closer we get, the more it bleeds to the surface. She’s so used to being used and rejected that she doesn’t know how to accept commitment. No matter the lengths I’ve gone to prove myself.

I’ve killed for her. I lost my virginity to her. I let her carve herself into my skin.

And still, that’s not what she’s asking for. I’m just now realizing she needs the most basic thing. Something easier to define.

“You’re more than enough for me, Mila.” I wrap a hand around the back of her hair. “What do you need from me to prove that? Do you want to be my girlfriend? My wife?”

Her eyes snap open. “Your wife?”

I can’t help but grin at how red her cheeks turn. “I’m not opposed to it.”

“Clearly.” She shakes her head. “How about we stick with boyfriend and girlfriend for now?”

“Whatever makes you happy, Mila Bianchi. I’m yours.”

Her hands flatten on my chest as she exhales. “I’m yours too.”

“Good.” I brush a kiss on her lips. “As for everything else, I don’t know. I guess I’ll focus on school and help Declan figure out how to handle the new Council.”

“Aren’t the four of you the new Council?”

“For the time being.” I shrug. “Kole doesn’t want that kind of responsibility. And I sure as fuck don’t want it. Maddox is too high to even know what he’s supposed to be doing. We’re it for now, but we need someone who bridges the line between the college and what comes after. Most members aren’t at Briar. They’re all over the country. Someone needs to be willing to deal with all the branches.”

“I didn’t think of it like that. Does Declan have someone in mind?”

“He does, and Kole is working on it.” I hum, pulling her close. “But I don’t want to talk about that. I don’t give a fuck what happens to Sigma House—or anything for that matter—so long as I have you.”

“You have low standards, Alex Lancaster.”

“You couldn’t be more wrong.” I kiss her forehead. “What about you? What are your thoughts on everything I told you last night?”

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