Page 74 of Steel

When the nightmares take over, I can still see my mom’s feet floating in the air. Her nightgown blowing in the breeze while her body swayed.

Her twisted face. Her discolored skin.

The final transition to the ghost she was already becoming.

Loving us wasn’t enough to keep her here, and I learned not to trust feelings of comfort ever again.

Whoever says it’s better to have loved and lost doesn’t know how heartbreak can level someone.

It’s why I don’t entertain relationships. Especially ones that end with me putting my name on some girl’s back. My dad did that and look where it got him.

Call me cold.

Call me heartless.

Call me incapable of emotional commitment.

It’s better than the alternative.

But the fact that Tempe and Austin are living in my house is starting to get to me. And having her in my arms kicked up something in my chest I thought I was numb to. The two of them make me doubt myself, which is dangerous for an MC president.

So from now on, I need to be smart.

I need some distance.

The past couple of nights, I’ve slept at the clubhouse because it’s better than the alternative.

For a split second, Tempe made me feel safe.

Safe is dangerous in my world.

So I slipped out of my bed before she woke up, rode to the club, and haven’t returned since. It’s better that she hates me than expects what we did to change something.

“Smoking again?” Legacy is the first one to church, and he doesn’t miss that I’m already on my second cigarette.

“I’m quitting.”

Maybe if I say it enough times, I’ll believe it.

“You know…” Legacy leans back in his chair, watching me. “Sometimes life’s little surprises are a good thing.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Tempe.” Legacy taps his hand on his knee. “And Austin.”

I take a drag of my cigarette, wishing the rest of the guys would show up so I could get church started.

“They’re leaving soon. Ghost is making progress on the drive, and then I’m cutting ’em loose.”

Legacy hums, not saying anything, even as his eyes pass judgment.

“This isn’t like it was with Bea, all right.” I take another drag. “She’s your kid, and you had no other choice but to take her in when Sera bailed. But Tempe and Austin are Helix’s family, not mine.”

“That’s where you’re wrong, Jameson.” Legacy shakes his head. “They’re his blood, but they’re not his family. We decide who we let into that circle, the same way we decide who belongs to this club.”

“I’m not claiming her.” I put out my cigarette, itching to reach for another if Legacy wouldn’t give me so much crap about it. “I’m just helping her out.”

“So you keep telling yourself.” Legacy combs his fingers through his hair. “But everyone deserves a slice of life that’s just for them. I didn’t realize that until Bea came around. Before that, this club was everything to me, just like it is to you. I didn’t think anything could come above it. But Honey Bea… I’d give my blood, life, and soul for that little girl’s happiness. She’s the sunshine I didn’t think Ineeded, and you deserve that too. Something that gives you purpose outside of this club. Something that makes you happy.”

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