Page 139 of Steel

Austin bounces up anddown as much as he can for being strapped into his booster seat. He’s bursting with excitement while Havoc drives us to the clubhouse.

“What are you so excited about?” I squeeze Austin’s knee.

He smiles at me. “It’s a secret.”

I glance over at Havoc, who’s holding back a grin at Austin’s comment. “Why do I feel like the two of you know something I don’t?”

Havoc winks at Austin, both refusing to answer my question, which only confirms something is going on.

Austin turns back to me, smiling and pretending to lock hislips.

He’s as tight-lipped as Jameson was this morning about why he needed us at the clubhouse, and I’m curious what they’re planning.

Whatever it is, I’m not complaining about the excuse to get out of the neighborhood. It feels good to be doing something.

After everything that happened with Dimitri, Austin and I have been spending a lot of time inside the compound gates. I always knew the Twisted Kings attracted danger, but now I realize it’s more complicated than I thought—especially finding out Austin has blood ties to a rival club.

Dimitri might be dead, but the threat will always be there. All I can do is try to protect Austin, hoping he chooses a path that follows the missions of a club like Jameson’s and not that of a club that aims to destroy and hurt women.

I now realize my mom had many secrets and that not all the bad things she did were because she was being hurtful or selfish. Some of her choices were to protect my brother, knowing his father was after him.

She loved a bad man once, and what Dimitri forced her to do wasn’t her fault. She tried to stop him that night, and it changed the course of everything. Her fighting back is the reason I was the one sent to Jameson’s clubhouse.

Mom made a lot of bad decisions, but I’ll always be grateful she unknowingly brought Jameson into my and my brother’s lives. She drove us to a man who will protect us with all he has.

I should probably fear Jameson for what I saw him do to Dimitri at the Iron Sinners’ house. Every violent rumor about his blind vengeance played out in front of me as he made Dimitri pay for what he did to me and Austin. But at the end of the day, Jameson only did it to protect us—his family.

Dimitri might have been Austin’s dad, but he also sacrificed me and my mother—the only people Austin cared about—to get what he needed. Whatever he felt for Austin wasn’t love. The only thing he was loyal to was his club.

He’s as much family as Helix was, maybe even less so. I have no regrets about Austin having to live his life without him.

Someday, I’ll need to talk to Austin about what really happened that night. I’ll have to tell him about his father and the terrible things he wanted to do. For now, Austin needs to heal, especially with his nightmares getting worse. Just because he doesn’t know the truth doesn’t mean he isn’t battling the memories.

Jameson found a therapist to come to the compound and meet with Austin a couple of times a week. Now all we can do is be here to support him and love him while he heals.

While we all heal.

I’ve been quietly battling my own trauma from that night. Overwhelmed with guilt about the fact that I’m the one who led Jameson into his enemy’s trap. Jameson swears it’s not my fault, but I played a part, nonetheless.

I’ve tried keeping busy to take my mind off it, but it hasn’t worked out well.

My first shift back at Dirty Drakes ended with me hiding behind the bar when someone dropped a glass on the floor, and I haven’t been back since.

For now, I’m going to focus on my degree. And when I’m in a better place mentally, I might find a quiet job at a physical therapy office. A place I can help people.

In the meantime, I’m helping my brother adjust to this new life. We’re reestablishing a routine while we grieve our losses and move forward. And when Jameson isn’t with his club, he’s there with us, helping us see it through.

Havoc rolls the truck to a stop, and Austin jumps out of his seat the moment I undo the buckle. He climbs over me and hops out, jumping up and down with excitement. Soul gives him a high five when he reaches the top of the steps to the clubhouse, and I have to rush to catch up to him.

“Hand.” I slip mine into his when I come to a stop beside him.

Jameson has enforced stricter rules for the clubhouse during the day, so Austin and Bea can come and go freely without the risk of walking in on anything. But I still don’t like Austin wandering the clubhouse unattended. In the event someone decides to rebel, I’d rather not have to explain it to a four-year-old.

Austin holds my hand as we make our way inside.

It’s late April and already warm. A week ago, the club switched from fans in the clubhouse to air conditioners.I can only imagine how expensive that is, given the size of this place.

Havoc leads us to a back room at the clubhouse. It’s a lot like the bar up front but smaller, and not open to outsiders when they throw parties. There are three pool tables in the center and four dartboards along one wall. A small bar sits off to one side, and a few of the guys are milling around.

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