Page 79 of Saint

“There’s nothing left to prove,” I say as he watches me. “I get it.”

Dark evil lights up his eyes. “You don’t.”

“So what then?” I glare up at him, my chest boiling with rage. “You’re going to test me too? You brought me here because you’re going to put me through some kind of trial just like the ones you went through?”

Saint shakes his head slowly. “No. You couldn’t survive the trials, Violet. And if you could, it would mean you aren’tyou.”

“Why? Because I’m weak?”

“Because you have a fucking heart.” He grabs my chin and holds me tight. “Because you’re human. You feel. You care.”

“And you don’t?”

Saint steps closer, grabbing the back of my hair and pulling hard so I’m arching.

“I already told you that you’re all I care about.”

“Enough to let your friend date me. To let himuseme. This might be a game to you, but it’s my life.” My heart’s racing, and I don’t care if I’m pissing Saint off because I hate him for what he’s done.

“I didn’t have a choice, Violet. It’s what I signed up for. They made that decision, and all I could do was fucking deal with it.” The grip of his fingers tightens until my scalp hurts. “Do you know what it was like to watch you with Liam? To wait? Knowing that even if he wasn’t fucking you, you were doing other things? Do you know how it felt to watch Nixon put his tongue inside your perfect, tight cunt. To watch your neck blush and your breathstutter the closer he drove you to come for him. I don’t think you do. Because if you did, you would shut your fucking mouth. There’s a reason I killed them. Control only takes a person so far, no matter how strong you are. Where would yours leave you?”

I bite my tongue. Tears sting in my eyes, and words don’t come out. I don’t know who I’m talking to right now as Saint stands over me. Because Saint doesn’t show weakness, but that’s what he’s doing.

“How much I care isn’t what’s in question tonight.” His jaw tightens. “It’s how much you do.”

“How?”And why am I asking?

Can someone care about someone who kills without remorse? I know I shouldn’t.

“Could you watch me with another woman?” Saint asks, his face passive, even as my stomach curdles at his question. “Could you sit silently while she wrapped her lips around my cock and let me fuck her throat? Could you watch me grab the back of her hair like I’m grabbing yours now as I shoved myself so far inside that she’d gag? She’d drool. She’d scream, even if I’d choke her so you wouldn’t hear it. Would you be able to sit there while she swallowed me down? Spit and cum and tears all over her face, dripping to her tits when I finished and pushed her away. Worse, could you handle someone standing at my side and holding my hand thinking I’m hers when you know, even if you hate yourself for it, that I belong to you?”

My cheeks drain of color at the picture he’s painting. I want to throw up.

It’s a harsh realization that rakes my throat as I swallow it down. But he’s right. I couldn’t handle it. I could barely stand the past few days when he wasn’t at school and I wondered what he was doing.

I shouldn’t want his loyalty, but I crave it, and that’s what he’s given to me.

“Could you?” Saint asks again.

“No.” It’s the only truth I have left.

I didn’t want Saint’s attention, but now that I have it, I don’t want it on anyone else, no matter how wrong it is.

“Don’t worry, kitten. I wouldn’t. I haven’t touched another woman since the first moment I saw you. Becausethat’swhat you do to me.”

Blinking, a tear rolls down my cheek. “You could have told them no. You could have stopped it.”

He shakes his head. “There’s no out once you start, Violet.”

“You said people fail.”

“I don’t. Anyone who understands why we do this doesn’t.”

And that’s it. I don’t understand. I can’t. And I’m not sure I want to.

Sigma House has a sick hold on all of them. They bargain for their freedom and their sanity. And for what? It’s a fraternity. A party house. I can’t understand why that’s worth the torture they put themselves through.

Not only that, but he also put himself through it allfor me.

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