Page 65 of Saint

How to cure akiller.

It’s not the most absurd thing I’ve typed into my internet search bar this week, but it’s a clear depiction of where my head is at. I’m scouring for answers I know I’m not going to get. Answers I shouldn’t want in the first place.

Just because Kole brought me home after our night together at Sigma House doesn’t make him a gentleman. It doesn’t mean he’s capable of caring about me as a human being.

If Kole… or Saint… is doing anything, he’s playing out his sick fantasies, and I’m the one who has his attention at the moment.

It’s because he doesn’t want anyone else getting to me.

It’s possession.

He made me his, and it’s a bond I can’t seem to break. Worse, I don’t want to when I’ve never felt more alive than at the hands of a man who brings nothing but death.

So instead, I search for answers.

It’s easier to focus on Kole than myself anyway. If I can figure out what’s wrong with him, then maybe I can understand what’s wrong with me.

I dig into every corner of the internet and read every article ever printed about him and his family. I search for the truth about his past. Anything that will help explain why he goes to such extreme lengths for me.

He warned me not to look for the good in him, but I can’t help it. Something broke Kole at some point in his life, and I need to know what that was.

But the deeper I dig, the less I find.

Kole might as well be a ghost in a family whose name is plastered on half the buildings in town. He’s never mentioned in articles with them and has barely had his photo taken. Even his rumored stint in a psych ward when he was a teenager has been erased from any public database—if it ever actually happened.

There’s nothing but speculation and rumors. Secrets I’m sure he’s buried as deep as Liam and Nixon’s bodies.

It’s unsettling, and I’m tempted to ask Kole about it if I get the chance. But that just leads me to my second problem—it’s been three days of complete silence.

Kole skipped the one class we share, and I haven’t seen him at school. There hasn’t been one message in the Dark Desires app. No “gifts,” no threats. If I hadn’t overheardDeclan spewing on about a party last night, I’d think he disappeared.

“Kole did a number on that one. The stamina on that bastard.”

Declan and Maddox laughed and walked away amused while I sat with my mind spinning, trying to decipher what I heard.

I’m just now starting to feel like myself again, and Kole has already moved on.

I should be relieved, but I’m not.

The moment Declan made that comment, my mind went wild, imagining what he could have been referring to. Clearly, Declan has no problem sharing women, but I’m not sure about Kole. He shared me—kind of. Even if he immediately killed Nixon for touching me.

And if Declan was talking about something other than sex, that’s not any better.

“You’re so distracted lately.” Teal nudges my arm as we walk through the courtyard.

“New boy toys will do that to you.” Mila winks at me.

“I already told you; I’m not seeing anybody.”

“Whatever you say.” Mila grins, not believing a word.

She might not have told the girls I disappeared at Sigma House a few nights ago, but it doesn’t stop her from relentlessly teasing me that she knows something is going on.

“When’s your exhibit?” I ask Teal to change the subject.

“Next Tuesday.” She clutches her books to her chest. “I’m nowhere close to being ready.”

“You always say that.”

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