Page 121 of Saint

The entirety of Sigma Sin.

Everyone who is anyone is here, pretending they give a shit.

It’s more a sympathy campaign than a memorial, as demonstrated by Liam’s father shaking hands with everyone who arrives like they’re being welcomed to a political benefit.

He might as well be posing for a poster or starring in a commercial with how phony and forced his devastation is. The opposite of Liam’s mother, whose eyes are red with the tears that are still falling.

Watching Oliver Westwood reminds me of what my mom said about my father.

She rarely spoke of him, but the one time I asked, she said I was better off never knowing him. That men in positions of power only care about one thing: themselves. That he’d destroy me or use me if it was in his best interest, and he wasn’t worth searching for.

Oliver buries a grin at whatever the mayor whispers to him, and I get it now.

If my father is anything like Oliver, I don’t need him in my life.

My mom and I might not have had money or an apartment with windows that sealed out the chill of cold winter nights, but we had each other. And if there’s one thing I’ve learned from spending time with Kole, it’s thatlove is a life-altering resource. It can be a watering can as much as it can be a weapon.

One that can bloom or one that can destroy.

Like sunlight. And he was a plant trying to break free from the soil without it.

My life was warm, while his was cold and impossible. Each time his fingers found the surface of the dirt, he was met with night, and I’m only now realizing what that does to a person.

His father abused him. His stepfather tortured him. Love wasn’t security; it was a threat. It was a weakness. He’s not that different from Liam. From all the men who are born and raised to be Sigma Sin.

My gaze moves from Oliver Westwood to Kole, and the intensity of his attention makes my stomach flutter.

He barely blinks as he looks into my eyes. His expression is cool and calm, but beneath the hard exterior, I sense something weighing on him. Ever since the night we had dinner with his parents, he’s been more distant.

I didn’t think that was possible, given he’s generally a fortress, but the cold disconnect these past couple weeks has been even more challenging to get past than his usual defense mechanisms.

Fight or flight.

Do or die.

I’m scared I’m going to lose him when I’ve finally found someone who opens me up. Who makes me feel it all.

“What’s on your mind, kitten?”

I glance back at Oliver Westwood, and his eyes meet mine briefly. I wonder if he knows who I am—who I was to Liam.

“Nothing.” I shake my head, turning back to Kole.

I doubt he believes me, but he nods, pulling me to the church. “Come on.”

We barely make it inside the door when he leads me to the pew farthest from the front. He positions me all the way against the far wall, with him between me and everyone else. The church is filling with people, and it makes my skin itch when I know the truth behind what brings us all here.

A girl three rows ahead of us is crying, and I wonder if she’s really that sad over Liam.

I was his girlfriend. Is that what I should be doing?

Pretending he wasn’t a cheating asshole who wanted to rape me in the forest to get revenge on his enemies.

The things I rationalize and the things I excuse contradict each other as I look up into Kole’s eyes. He’s no better, even if I’m the one asking him for it.

“Want to go?”

“No.”

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