Page 106 of Saint

“When I was eleven, he put her in the hospital. It wasn’t the first time she’d been there, but it was the first time she almost didn’t make it out. When the cops asked, he lied and said someone broke into the house and robbed us. Some bullshit story so it wouldn’t fall back on him.”

“They didn’t see through it?”

“If they did, they didn’t care.” Kole circles his fingers over the sensitive skin on my lower back. “Sigma House protects their own. If anyone suspected anything, they weren’t going to say shit.”

Kole’s gaze drifts past me now, even as he still maintains the same stoic expression.

“My dad was a hypocrite, always preaching control but never actually having it. That night, I stayed over at Declan’s house, and I told him what was going on. He said we should teach my dad a lesson. Dec’s always been a bit of a sadist.”

Kole says it so calmly. Like it’s a simple fact. Insignificant. Like sadism is Declan’s favorite color.

“The next night, while Mom was still in the hospital, my dad and I got into it. Shit escalated, and I walked away.He didn’t. I put him down like a fucking animal. Like he always threatened to do to us.” Kole’s jaw clenches now, just barely. “Declan helped me bury the evidence.”

“And no one ever found out the truth?”

“I think my grandfather always suspected something. But without proof, he wouldn’t draw their attention to me. I was young. The son carrying on the Christiansen name. I was my father’s legacy. They blamed it on some local junkies and let it go. So that’s how it stayed. I didn’t say shit, and neither did Declan. If we had, neither of us would have been able to get into Sigma House.”

“You were protecting your mother.” I plant my hand on Kole’s chest, and his heart is beating so steadily, nothing like mine. “Wouldn’t they understand if you explained it to them?”

“Reasons don’t matter when it comes to initiation. In Sigma House, it’s brotherhood above all. I killed my dad because he fucking deserved it, not to protect Sigma House values. He was a council member. Respected. What I did was selfish, and a good enough reason to be blacklisted from the fraternity.”

“You were eleven.” Which, the more I sit with that thought, makes it even more disturbing.

“Age isn’t important. We’re born into this. Besides, it doesn’t matter now. Declan kept my secret, and I’ve kept his. And they’ll never get the truth out of either of us.”

I’m not sure what secrets Kole is keeping for Declan if this is what Declan hides for him, but I also know this isn’t the time to ask.

Reaching up, I brush my fingers over the scar once more. “What did any of that have to do with the scar? Is it from when he hit you with the bat?”

Kole’s dark gaze snaps to mine, and a chill runs the full length of my body. A shiver that has the hair on the back of my neck on its ends and my toes tingling.

“No.” Kole’s fingers pause where they’re brushing my back. “The scar is the second half of the story.”

He closes his eyes, breathing through his nose.

“The problem with cutting off the head of a snake is that it always grows another. I underestimated my mom’s dependence on men. I didn’t save her. I didn’t do shit. She moved on with his best friend, and he taught me worse men than my father exist.”

Captain Evans.

“My stepdad wasn’t as regularly abusive as my dad because he was a cop and couldn’t risk it. But also because he knows there are more effective ways to torture someone than to just hurt them outright.” Kole brushes the tips of his fingers over his cheek. “He sat me down and made me watch myself in the mirror when he carved this.”

My eyes widen. “Why would he do that?”

“Because he’s smart. Or sick. Or Sigma Sin. It’s all the same.” Kole’s fingers pause on the rough line of his scar. “Bruises heal. Cuts can be sewn up. But fear… if you really want to control a person, you just have to show them how far you’re willing to go if they resist. I was angry at my mom for putting us in the same fucking situation when I’d just gotten us out of it, and my stepdad didn’t appreciatemy opinions. He sat me down and reminded me of my place and hers. He thought I’d never forget it if it was staring me in the face every time I looked in the mirror.”

“I’m so sorry.” A tear trickles down my cheek.

“It’s fine,” Kole says, even when the things his stepdad did to him are nowhere close to being okay. “Fear was a game to him, and I was good at playing it.”

I swallow hard as I stare into Kole’s eyes, searching for pain, and finding mild amusement instead. He grew up in a family where fear was a weapon. And control was the prize, which explains more about our relationship than I’d like.

“You say it like it isn’t a big deal that he did this to you.” I retrace his scar.

“It isn’t.” Kole grabs my wrist and tips his forehead to mine. “I told you, Violet, I only have one weakness: you. They can carve me up all they like, and it won’t mean shit. You’re the only one who can actually hurt me.”

My heart is heavy in my chest. My mind is filled with his words. My body is bursting with his obsession, and I can’t help but open myself up to take in more of it.

Kole pulls me in for a kiss, his tongue reaching for me like I’m his anchor. And I turn myself into iron for him. I plant my roots and become the earth that cradles his broken pieces when everyone in his life has torn him apart.

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