“I don’t blame her for letting go, even if I begged her not to. Sometimes I wish I hadn’t made it out of there either.”
It took years not to feel the shackles on my ankles. Not to see the malice in the eyes of anyone who looked at me.It took seeing Sage again to remember I could feel warm, safe, whole.
But without my sister, I’ll always be half in certain ways.
I’ll always remember the light in her eyes fading out, and trying to be strong for her in those final moments like it could offer peace after everything they’d done to us. I wanted to stop fighting once she was gone. There was no point—no hope. I wanted them to kill me so I wouldn’t have to sit beside her and watch her slowly rot.
Whoever Sage saved from the basement wasn’t me. At least, not for a few years. I don’t think I existed again until Sage once more found me.
“You said you never saw the man who was behind your kidnapping?”
I shake my head. “I heard them talk about him, but he never showed his face.”
Something about my comment has Sage’s eyebrows pinching.
“What is it?”
“It’s just if he didn’t let you see him, he probably thought you’d recognize him.”
“You think it’s someone close to Kane?” It would make sense, even if it’s more unsettling than thinking it’s a rival club.
“I think it’s likely.” Sage runs his fingers up and down my arm. “And so does your dad.”
I’m not surprised, even if I’m not comforted by the prospect.
“I tried to find her, you know?” I twist my fingers together.
“Who?”
“My mom.”
“You did?” Sage holds me close, brushing my hair back.
I nod. “I thought she’d want to know about Ellie, even if it had been a few years since she’d seen us.”
“I’m sure she would.”
I try to swallow past the lump in my throat. “I couldn’t figure out where she was. The last letter I got from her was postmarked from Santa Fe, but I might as well have been searching for air. It was no use.”
“I’m sorry.”
And I’m sure Sage is, even if it doesn’t change anything.
“It’s not your fault. And it’s not hers either.” I shake my head. “I grieved enough for the both of us.”
“I can see if one of the guys at the club can track her down. I’m sure Kane’s kept tabs.”
“It’s fine. At least one of us doesn’t have to live with knowing what happened to Ellie.”
Sage rubs circles over my skin, and even if I can tell he doesn’t agree with my logic, he’ll let it go.
“Hey.” Mason stops in my doorway, and I jump at his voice. “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you. Or interrupt.”
“It’s fine.” I expect Sage to pull away with Mason catching us in my bed, but he doesn’t let me go when I try to shift.
“I’m headed to the shop.” He glances at Sage now, and they share a look. “Unless you need anything.”
“We’re good. Thanks.”