Page 94 of Lies Like Love

“Even if I’m the one who pushed your mother over the ledge?”

Fel presses her lips together and takes a sharp inhale through her nose, before letting out the breath. “You had your reasons.”

“Did I?”

“Didn’t you?” She pushes against my chest. “Or are you really that evil? Because yes, living between those walls was a nightmare, but at least it was tolerable.”

“Is that what you think?” I grip her chin hard and pull her face inches from mine. “That you didn’t deserve better because you would have simplysurvived? Yes, I’m selfish when it comes to you. I overreact and do shit that should have gotten me locked up by now. And honestly, anything I’ve done is tame compared to the shit that’s gone through my head. But I don’t fucking care because all that has ever mattered to me is that you walk out of this whole. Not in pieces.Whole. Even if it meant leaving you behind when you asked me to.”

“You weren’t supposed to listen.” Tears pool in her lashes. “You say it was all for me, but you always refused to give me the one thing I needed.”

“What did you need, Fel? The truth?”

“No.” She shakes her head as I loosen my grip. “Not even that.”

“Then what?”

“Your heart,” she yells. A plea and a sob slicing me down the center. “I needed you to let me in.”

She’s so far lost in this mess that she still stupidly wants it. So blind that she doesn’t see she already has it.

“You want my heart?” I let her go and reach in my back pocket, pulling out my knife. Flipping it around, I press the point of the blade against my chest with one hand and use the other to force hers to the handle. “Then carve it from my fucking chest and get a real good look. Slice your name into it like it doesn’t already exist there. Hold it, break it. Do whatever your little soul desires.”

Her chest is heaving as I wrap both my hands around hers now, forcing her to grip the knife handle tighter. The blade digs through my shirt and draws a drop of blood.

“It means nothing.” I squeeze her hands. “Hearts are blind and worthless. My heart beat for you because you were forbidden and it’s a stupid organ. My heart isn’t where you are. You’re in my fucking marrow, my nerves, my bloodstream. You’re the constant pressure between my temples and every ache in my bones. You’re embedded so deep, you hurt unlike any drop of ink or piercing. So if you want my heart, take it, along with everything else. Consume me. End me. Every part of me has only ever lived for you.”

I release her hands and drop them to my sides. Her fingers still gripped tight to the knife on my chest, and I’m at peace with whatever she decides.

To the end.

“I won’t lie and tell you I’m the good guy, Fel. I’m not. I’m the reason your mother is dead. I’m the reason my father is in prison. I’m the reason your life is broken. And I’d do it all again for you. Because they deserved what they got, but you didn’t.” I shift and the blade stings as it bites deeper into my skin. “I never left you, not really. I was always there waiting—knowing at some point you’d find me when the time was right. And do you know why?”

Fel swallows hard, tears swimming in her eyes as she gives me the faintest, most heartbreaking nod.

“Why?”

“Because we’re inevitable,” she whispers the confession I told her when we saw each other again. Only now, I think she finally believes it.

“Exactly.” I brush a tear from her cheek, rubbing the salty moisture between the pad of my thumb and finger. “You’re right, I did have my reasons. And someday I’ll tell you what they were. But right now, I need you to either trust me or shove the blade straight through because that’s all I can give you.”

Fel’s fingers grip the handle so tight they’re white, holding it there for a breath longer, before dropping it to the ground.

“Who am I to you, Jude. Honestly?” Her arms fall to her sides, a balance of strength and defeat. “Your stepsister you weren’t supposed to touch? The damsel you wanted to save? A prize for you to win?”

“All of it.” I tip her face up and drown in those ocean eyes of hers. “You’re mine. Every good and bad thing I’ve ever done or wanted. You’re the sweetest fucking thing I’ve ever tasted. The only peace I’ve known. And you’re way too fucking good for me, but for some reason, you never see it.”

“I’m not.”

“Oh, but you are.” I lean in and brush my lips over hers to savor the taste. “Don’t worry, it won’t stop me.”

“Then take me, Jude,” she whispers against my mouth. “I’ve never been anyone’s but yours.”

Her confession should push me away. If I were a good man, it would.

But I’m not.

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