Page 60 of Lies Like Love

I didn’t expect to find Jude when I set myself free from this world, but he’s what I need. Good or bad, Jude is always where I’ve belonged. Of all the people in my life parading around with the charade of pretending to protect me, Jude’s the only one who actually did it. Even if it hurt.

It’s terrifying and also the one thing that made me feel safe in a world of teeth and greed.

When Jude doesn’t answer my question, I dare to look up at him, steadying my breath as I do.

Any show I put on won’t get past him because Jude’s always seen me for everything I am. A glance is all it takes for him to unbury every messy freckle on my cheeks, and to reveal every ugly spot on my soul. Heseesme.

“I’m not sixteen anymore. I’m not your toy to play with.” I wish it were true.

Jude’s green eyes darken like the sun setting over the forest. “You never have been.”

“Liar.” I step back and take a breath. The room is spinning. Faces morph until there’s only one I see clearly. “I can’t take this.”

I spin around and walk away, trying to catch my breath. Trying to find my bearings. I dart down the hall that leads to the bathrooms and wonder why I didn’t just head for the door. I could escape them all.

You can’t have one foot in and one foot out of this world. It’s all or nothing—Just like it is with him.

He’s either owning my soul or destroying it.

I wish he would already.

Jude’s strong grip latches onto my arm, and he pulls me into a side room. He spins me around as he pins me against the closed door, forcing me to face him when it terrifies me. He’s breathing like he’s been running the same race my heart is.

Out of breath.

Out of fight.

“What do you want from me, Fel?” Jude grips my chin and forces me to look at him. “You want me to take back what I did? I can’t. You want me to regret it? I don’t. You want me to love you? We both know that’s not how our story is written. You’re the princess remember? And I’m nothing more than a villain.”

He releases my chin, but I don’t break his gaze. If anything, I sear him with the coals burning hot inside me, wishing it was enough to scare him away.

“No,” I breathe out, my chest brushing against him with every breath. “I don’t need lies likeyou love meoryou’re staying this time. I wouldn’t believe them anyway. I don’t need your words any more now than I did back then.”

“Then what?”

“You!” Honesty spills with the floodgates flying open.

My heart is racing, and the longer I stare into his eyes, I’m falling into oblivion, but I can’t break his gaze.

“Last night you asked me to fall apart for you, to show you how I’ve always felt for you, and I did. I hate you for it, but I did. And you did what you always do, push me away and act like it means nothing. Maybe it does because that would make it simple. But you should know it doesn’t meannothingto me, no matter how much I want it to. Because I can hate you for everything you’ve done and everything you’ll probably continue to do, but you’re still the only man who can breathe life into those painful, hopeful butterflies I always fall for. Right. Here.”

My fingers curl into a fist and I press it against my stomach, trying to contain the fluttering fighting to get out.

“And I hate you for it. I really do.”

Jude pulls back slightly at my confession, his eyebrows pinching.

Tears sting my eyes. I’m out of breath and fighting for air. I’m desperate to run, but there’s no place to hide when it comes to Jude Carlisle.

“I hate you,” I say again, nearly a whisper this time.

Jude brushes a tear from my cheek with his thumb. “I know.”

But just as I think he’ll do what he’s good at and walk away, he grabs my face with both his hands and takes my lips. He kisses me with such force it doesn’t matter if it’s forbidden. Because the biggest lie we’ve told ourselves is that we haven’t always wanted this.

19

Fel

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