Page 6 of Worth the Trouble

Pauline shakes her head. “No.”

“No?”

“The butterfly flutters. Flapping, flapping.” She waves her arms at her sides like she’s embodied the insect, then slaps her hands at her sides and stares at me. “I need a fish. I need liquid.”

“Liquid,” I repeat, but I’m more lost than ever.

Pauline is eccentric in the most extreme sense. One day we’re being compared to animals at the zoo. The next, we’re meant to be the elements, raging on the earth. None of it makes any sense—except to her and Gail, her assistant.

I’m here to dance, which used to be simpler.

Why is everything in my life suddenly so complicated?

Pauline flows her arms out to the side in waves. “Liquid, my darling.”

The familiar pounding between my eyes starts throbbing. “Got it.”

I’ve been dancing my whole life and in the industry most of it. I know better than to argue or question her because no one cares to explain themselves to“the talent”.Something my mom has been sure to remind me of again and again, while she parades me around like her own personal show pony.

I’m honestly not sure who’s more controlling, the dance company or my mother.

I glance over Pauline’s shoulder and sure enough, Mom is frowning at me from across the room. Try telling her this is simply a rehearsal—not a live show. According to her it’s equally important I don’t fail at either. As she always says, one wrong step and someone will be there to take my place.

Perfection, nothing less.

It’s why she refuses to give me even an inch. She monitors where I go, what I do, what I eat, when I sleep. My life has belonged to her and dance for twenty-two years, and I’m not sure the day will ever come when that will change.

It doesn’t matter that I’m a world-renowned modern dance princess. To her, I’ll always be fighting that line between acceptance and disappointment.

Pauline dramatically fans her face, drawing my attention back to her.

“Gail.” Her shrill voice sends a shiver down my spine, but her assistant comes running. “We’re done for today. Get my things.”

She walks off without so much as a glance in my direction, yelling to the room, “Tomorrow, three thirty,” before disappearing backstage.

Mom takes that as her cue to dart toward me. I’m tempted to disappear into the crowd before she gets to me, but it would be a temporary fix. There’s no escaping this woman.

“Lili Chen.” Mom stops in front of me, clutching her purse.

If she was capable of frowning, I’m sure that’s the expression I’d be faced with right now, but Mom is stoic at all times. The queen of indifference. Happy, irritated, unaffected—they all look the same on her.

After all, she was a Tennessee beauty queen, so she’s mastered the art of when to put on a performance. She comes from a long line of Beaumont beauties, as her hometown calls them. She’s a people pleaser to the core, only once wavering from expectations by marrying my father, and in the process, disowning her family.

Something I don’t think she’s ever openly talked about. It would be improper—something a lady should never be.

Besides, she doesn’t seem affected by it as much as I would expect. She immersed herself in Dad’s world and grew accustomed to his family and the newfound access to excessive amounts of money. What started as love quickly turned to greed, because although he was the only one she would show any glimmer of affection to, it was scarce.

At least her love for him existed. My birth might as well have been a business transaction, given she raised me more as her prodigy than her daughter.

When I was a little girl, she’d sit me down to brush my hair. She’d watch me in the mirror as she lectured me about how to be successful in the world. She’d remind me why it’s important to maintain appearances and how she was thankful I was pretty. Beauty was something I was going to need to rely on if I wanted to go somewhere with my dreams. Or so she said.

Men don’t want women to be smart or vocal.

They want trophies.

Sadly, I clung to those moments when it was just the two of us. No matter how dark her words were. I’d pretend it was how she loved me since it was the only way she knew how to. Lessons of survival instead of nurturing.

Maybe she did me a favor. But now I’ve reached a point where numbness is all I’ve got left, so I’m not sure what the point is.

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