Page 78 of Forever and Ever

“It’s not cramping,” Noah says, looking back up at me. “When you were hurting, it wasn’t cramps?”

I shake my head.

“When’s the last time you’ve been to your doctor?”

“Did you not hear anything I just said?”

“I did.” Noah keeps a straight face. “And I don’t give a shit about any of it. Now answer my question.”

“On our last trip to Seattle.” I snuck in a visit before I met up with Cassie and brought her to the unplugged show.

“That’s over two months ago,” he says, not looking happy. “You almost collapsed at my house in pain. Why haven’t you made an appointment?”

“What?” I shake my head. “Why does it matter? I just told you that I’m broken and can’t ever give you what you want.”

“It matters because I care, Mercedes.” My name comes out harsher than I’ve ever heard it from him. “Don’t you get it? I haven’t been chasing you around for almost a year to just find someone to knock up someday. I’ve been chasing you because I’ve been in love with you. I don’t give a crap if you can have kids, or can’t, or want to adopt kids, or if you never want them at all. None of that shit means anything anyway if it isn’t with you.”

He rakes his hair back and lets out a frustrated grunt.

“Yes, I’m a little pissed, okay?” He frowns. “I’m pissed that you kept this from me. I’m pissed that it’s the reason you pushed me away for so long when I don’t give a fuck about it as long as I can have you. But mostly, I’m pissed because you’re clearly not okay and you’re not seeing a doctor. So why haven’t you made an appointment?”

I try to pull away, but Noah holds my wrist, wrapping his other hand in the back of my neck and forcing me to face him.

There’s no running.

There’s no escaping.

“I was scared they’d finally say it.” My words barely make their way out through stilted breaths. “That they’d have to take what’s left. And I’d just be… empty.”

His fingers grip into my hair, and he steps closer, bringing us almost chest to chest.

“I was afraid of losing you permanently,” I admit.

Because why would a man who can have almost any woman in the world, want a broken one?

“Merry.” Noah sighs, holding me in his arms like I’m moments from falling apart. “Before I met you, I was in a place that was so dark, I couldn’t see a way out of it. I was drowning. I felt empty in ways that run so deep, I’m still trying to fill them. But you know what I discovered? Sometimes those pieces have to disappear to make us who we are. We have to live with those holes and let them shape us. No matter what they tell you, no matter what you think they can take away from you. They can’t. It’s up to you to decide what you actually give, and how you make it a part of yourself moving forward. Those are just pieces, but you’re the whole. And you’re strong, fierce, and incredible.”

He brushes a strand off my face and cups my cheeks. Feeling the wetness between my skin and his palms, I realize I’ve started crying.

“I meant what I said.” Noah tips his forehead to mine. “I’ve got you. I’m not going anywhere. This changes nothing. You’re perfect, no matter what happens. Because you’re you, and that’s all I care about. Whatever life you want to build, wherever you want to build it, with whatever pets or kids or none of it… you decide, all that matters to me is that you let me be in it.”

He kisses the tip of my nose.

“I love you,” he says, with a slight smile on his lips. “And I promised myself I wasn’t going to say it out loud yet because I know how you are and inside those three words probably already made you start to get squeamish. But you need to know that, from me, with no question, that I. Love. You. Mercedes. As is,always. I’m not going anywhere as long as you’ll have me.”

He runs his thumbs along the underside of my eyes and wipes the tears away. And I feel terrible for holding back from him. I feel selfish for keeping this to myself. But mostly, I feel something warm in my chest that I can’t explain. Because I believe him.

I wrap my arms around his waist, and his strong arms hug me. We stand there like that as the air starts to chill. We hold each other as the sun starts to set. As the confession grows truth in both of us. And when we finally look into each other’s eyes again, there are three words I want to tell him, and I hope someday I have the strength to. But for now, I say nothing, and I kiss him with all I have left.

24

Noah

MercedesLopezisthesingle most infuriating woman on the planet.

She drives me out of my fucking mind.

Nine months—that’s how long I’ve been obsessed with this woman. And she was holding back because of something I could have told her doesn’t impact my feelings for her. If she’d just been upfront in the first place we could have avoided all of the push and pull.

---