Page 98 of Forever and Ever

But right here, right now, with Merry in my arms, I realize I didn’t know shit because this is what it really feels like when you’re losing something, and all I want to do is hold on.

Picking her up in my arms, I start carrying her out of the bathroom.

“An ambulance is on its way,” Adrian says. “We probably shouldn’t move her.”

“We’re too far out.” I turn with something that must look like desperation on my face because it stops him. “Get us to the hospital.”

Adrian nods, not arguing.

Eloise piles into his SUV with us. I’m in the backseat with Merry, and I do my best to buckle her in, but she’s kind of twisted with her head in my lap.

“What’s going on, Noah?” Eloise turns to look at me. “What happened?”

“She went to the bathroom and—” I cut myself off because I don’t really know what the fuck happened, just that this can’t be good.

Merry moves and I look down to see her eyes blinking open.

“Noah,” she says, but it’s a rasp.

“Hey.” I brush her hair off her face and stroke the side of her cheek. “It’s okay. I’ve got you. We’re going to go see the doctor.”

I run my hand over her forehead, down her cheek, repeating the same pattern again and again.

“What happened?” Her gaze darts around the car, her eyebrows furrowing.

“You were in the bathroom, and you never came back.”

“Oh, right.” Her hand drifts down her stomach and settles really low. “I was in pain.”

I try really hard not to react to that because knowing she’s in pain again, while also bleeding, can’t be good. Reaching down, I rest my hand over hers.

“Does it still hurt?”

She shakes her head the slightest. “Not right now, no. But I thought it was a cramp, and then—it just got so much worse. I tried to call for you, but I don’t think I did.”

That stabs like a knife to the chest. While I was bullshitting with Adrian, she was calling out to me.

“I—” she starts, but her face winces.

“Relax,” I say, brushing my thumb over the back of her hand. “There’s plenty of time to run that smart mouth of yours later.”

My comment at least makes her smile, which I appreciate right now. I love the fire that flickers bright in her even when she’s tired and fading in the backseat. There’s a fight in Merry that never fades.

“Adrian and Eloise are taking us to the hospital, and we’ll get this all figured out.”

That’s when Merry turns her head and sees them upfront, like it’s sinking in where she is. Adrian tips his head, facing front, but Eloise reaches her arm back behind her and squeezes Merry’s shoulder.

“We’ve got you, Merry,” Eloise says, without looking, but in the side mirror I see tears on Eloise’s cheeks, and I realize it’s hitting everyone in different ways.

They don’t even know what’s happening. Not that I do either, I guess.

“Noah,” Merry whispers, turning back to me and burying her face against my stomach. It’s never felt so good just to hold her in my arms and hear my name on her lips. “I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for.” I brush the side of her face with the back of my hand. “I love you. Everything is going to be okay. It’s all going to be okay.”

I’m not sure how many times I say it, or if it’s for her or myself, but I repeat it over and over like I can manifest it into existence. I pray it’s possible.

As I hold her tighter, I look up and catch Adrian’s gaze in the rear-view mirror. For a man who rarely reveals anything, he looks worried, and it’s unsettling.

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