Page 86 of Forever and Ever

It’s really unlike Eloise to get like this. She’s usually the calmest one of us. But for the past couple of months, she’s been seriously on edge and not acting like herself. She won’t agree with anything Sebastian wants to collaborate with her on, she’s been arguing with Adrian about the upcoming tour schedule. If I didn’t know her better, I’d think it was rocker pride, but this is Eloise. She always keeps her cool.

Something is off.

“Maybe you just need to get laid,” Rome says, leaning back in his chair and taking a long drag of his joint.

That at least gets Eloise to look up again, but it’s with a look that makes me think she might murder him.

“Rome, shut the fuck up unless you have something helpful to say,” I warn him, before this whole thing goes completely sideways and the band does something like split up before our next tour.

Rome shrugs like he honestly couldn’t care less. I’m not sure what’s more difficult lately, the fact that Eloise is resistant to everything, or the fact that Rome has all but entirely checked out.

I walk over to Eloise and sit next to her on the couch, placing a hand on her shoulder and feeling how tense she is.

“Talk to us, we’re your family, El. If something is going on, or you’re unhappy, we need to know what it is, or we can’t do anything.”

She shakes her head and looks at me.

“I know,” she says, sounding much calmer now. “And I’m sorry, I’m not sure why I’ve been so on edge lately. I just feel nothing—this music, this album—it’s not connecting for me. And it’s not your fault.”

She turns to Sebastian. “It’s some of your best work, and maybe that’s the problem because while you seem to be one hundred percent vibing, I feel disconnected. And I can’t seem to get there. I’m frustrated with myself, and I’m taking it out on you. Maybe you should just write this album without me.”

“No fucking way.” Sebastian stands up and walks over to us, sitting on the other side of her.

“Sebastian’s right,” I say. “Not that I don’t have faith in you, bro.”

“No offense taken.” Sebastian wraps his arm around his sister. “There’s a reason Enemy Muse works—a reason we’ve gotten to where we are today—and it’s not just my incredibly handsome face.”

Eloise rolls her eyes at him, but his ridiculous comment at least makes her crack the slightest smile.

“We all bring something unique to the band. And it’s like we said in the beginning, we do it together or we don’t do it at all. Are you done, El?”

The silence in the room is deafening.

Sebastian is right, we’re not just a band, we’re family, and if one of us burns out, it’s not like we can just replace them with a cookie-cutter copy. The band would never be quite the same.

And as much as that has comforted me over the years, because I’ve been able to depend on this group at the darkest points of my life, right now, it feels a little suffocating.

I’ve never had attachments that would impact what I bring to the band. But with Merry’s health issues and the potential of her going on her own tour in the future, what would I choose at the end of the day?

My family or the girl I’m in love with?

“I’m not done.” Eloise sighs, and Sebastian seems relieved about that, even if I’m not sure how I feel right now.

“I’m just uninspired,” she continues. “I feel like I’m forcing it and it’s just not working. I want to care about what I’m writing again.”

“I get that,” Sebastian says. “I couldn’t write for over a year, remember?”

Hence why it’s been so long since Enemy Muse has released a new album.

“If we need to take longer, we can. We’ll just recycle old material on tour, right Adrian?”

Adrian nods, but I can’t read the look on his face as he stares at Eloise. I would think he’d be irritated that we can’t just get over our shit and get the album done, but that seems to be the least of his worries.

“No.” Eloise shakes her head and stands up. “We’ve got this, okay. Let’s go over the song again. I’ll get there.”

I’m not sure if the pep talk is for her or for us, but she nods at Sebastian, seeming intent on pushing through no matter what.

“All right sis.” He stands up and walks over to the table where they sit down and start working through lyrics.

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