Page 57 of Forever and Ever

Growing up, nothing felt right—not until I met Kali.

She had a sweet smile, and she tasted like candy. Probably because she was always sucking on lollipops. She made me wait six months before she’d kissed me, and even then, it was chaste and barely a brush of the lips. Eventually, it turned into a little more and a little more, until, by eighteen her lips were wrapped around my dick pretty frequently. But she was a good girl, or so she said. She was saving herself for marriage.

And like the idiot I was, I loved her enough to wait.

Eight. Fucking. Years.

I started recording my first album still a virgin, wearing a stupid promise ring because I honestly thought it would all be worth it. After all, I had the girl. The angel had chosen me, and I wasn’t going to give that up.

So, I waited for her—as long as it was going to take. While most guys went for the easy point to score, I’ve always understood the long game and wasn’t afraid to play it.

That is, until Kali broke up with me because she fucked one of my friends. Laid on her back and handed him her fucking virginity. And if that wasn’t bad enough, I honestly don’t know if she would have even told me if she hadn’t gotten pregnant.

She probably would have let me fuck her on our wedding night with the illusion in my head that we were both giving ourselves to each other for the first time.

But it wasn’t the waiting that bothered me. It wasn’t the sex part that broke my heart. I’ve more than made up for my years of celibacy in the four years since. It was the fact that I wanted Kali to be my forever, and I would have done anything for her, but she couldn’t care less.

Kali lied, while I waited. And, well…

Fuck. Her.

But now here she is, four years later, standing in my backyard looking like the same angel she always masquerades around as. Only now, I’ve been well acquainted with the devil underneath.

“What do you want?” I sit on one of the lawn chairs and stare her straight in the face.

It’s a tactic I’ve learned from Merry, who refuses to back down when shit is bothering her. She looks it dead on, daring it to do its worst.

Looking into Kali’s eyes, the worst already feels like it’s here anyway.

“How are you?” Kali asks, sitting in a chair opposite me, and it makes me laugh really fucking hard because that’s the first full sentence out of her mouth.

What a joke.

“Fan-fucking-tastic,” I tell her, and she winces. I’m not sure she’s ever used a profanity in her life, and she’s definitely never seen this side of me before.

“You seem different.”

I shake my head. “It’s been four years, Kal, what did you expect?”

Kali’s shoulders sink, and I think for the first time the weight is settling in.

“I don’t… I’m not sure,” she admits. “Was that your girlfriend?”

Her eyes look back to the house, and I realize she’s talking about Merry. It would make sense, after all. She answered my door. She’s living here—for the time being.

“It’s complicated,” I say, for a lot of reasons. I’m not ready to admit what it is or isn’t with Merry. But I’m also not prepared to deal with Kali without some kind of barrier between us.

“It’s none of your business anyway.”

“Complicated,” she repeats, but it sounds a little like she’s mocking me, and I don’t like it.

I was in love with this girl once, wasn’t I?

I pictured this day many times after Kali broke me, thinking if I ever came face to face with her again I would second guess myself. Wondering if I’d wish things could have been different. But sitting here in my backyard on this warm, sunny day, I feel nothing.

Or maybe I feel another life. One on the other side of a pile of coke and a death wish. One that stopped whispering after I met a certain dark goddess.

“She’s just not what I would picture,” Kali says, and it’s definitely a jab this time.

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