Page 55 of Forever and Ever

“Noah.” Her back is to the door and she’s bracing herself against it, like whatever’s on the other side might find its way through. “Are you okay?”

“No.” There’s no use lying. Merry would see straight through it, especially since I’m not hiding my disdain.

“Do you want me to ask her to leave?”

She’s chewing the inside of her cheek, which means it’s one of those rare moments she’s uncertain, and I hate that Kali is the reason.

I rake my hair away from my face. “Why is she even here?”

“I don’t know.”

“What could she possibly want?”

“You’d have to ask her.”

“How did she even find me?”

Merry steps forward and grabs my arms with her hands, stopping me in place. I didn’t realize I was pacing, but I’m nervous and dizzy.

“How long has it been since you’ve seen her?” Merry asks.

“Four years.”

Merry thinks that over, and I’m sure it’s the same thoughts that are going through my head. There’s no reason for an ex-girlfriend to show up on your doorstep four years later unless she plans on planting a few more grenades and stepping back to watch the explosion.

“That’s a long time.” Merry steps in. “What do you want to do here?”

There’s only a foot-wide gap between our bodies. She’s looking up at me and it makes me want to wrap her in my arms.

Not because she’s beautiful—even though she is.

And not because I’m comfortable around her—which I definitely am.

It’s that Merry feels like home, like the only place I’m actually accepted as Noah Hayes, the man, not the rock star. She sees into the pits inside myself I've almost forgotten exist because I burned the bridges there years ago.

It doesn’t matter if I’m fucking other women while I wait around for her to fall in love with me, or if I’m holding her in my arms fully clothed in bed while she waits for the pain to fade. Merry is unwavering in a way I’ve never experienced from another person before.

My parents saw a deviant, my church saw a sinner, my ex saw an illusion. But Merry has always seenmefor exactly who I am and never tried to make me be anything more or less.

It’s why I told her the truth today. I want her to have it all. I want her to knowall of it. And I want to see her face when all is said and done because I honestly trust her to not look at me any differently.

I reach up and brush her dark waves away from her face, not missing that her cherry-red lips part with the sharpest inhale as my fingers graze her cheek.

“Can we rewind to ten minutes ago when we were sitting on the couch, and you were singing to me?” I ask her with a sigh.

If I had to label a perfect moment, that would probably be it.

In the beginning, I used to think I had a real shot at being with Merry, but she turned me down so many times I kind of gave up hope. I was chasing her just to be pushed away. But when we were sitting there talking, it didn’t feel like the same game of tug-of-war we’ve been playing. It wasn’t resistance. She let her shield down and was finally letting me in.

Merry’s eyebrows crinkle and I almost think she feels it. Like for once the sensation beneath my ribs isn’t one sided.

“I’m sorry,” Merry says, not actually answering my question. She plants her hand on my chest and my heart beats harder just to feel some comfort.

“What should I do?”

Her expression pinches. “You want my honest opinion?”

“Always,” I say, and it makes her smile, which actually has the power to make me smile in this moment.

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