Page 48 of Forever and Ever

I tip my head back and it rests next to hers against her shoulder. Our bodies sway and I try to lose myself in that feeling. The swishing, the spinning. Her hands moving up and down my body. Up my stomach and over my breasts.

But as much as I want it to feel good, it’s like everything else lately—unsettling.

Like I’m reaching out but can’t quite get there. My life moving farther away by the minute. My dreams might be coming true, but I’m facing a pit with its mouth wide open, and it’s ready to swallow me whole.

The crowd parts, and although I still feel Celeste behind me, my attention moves to Noah sitting across the room. He’s looking down so he doesn’t notice me staring, and there’s a dark, distant look in his eyes. Something working deep inside him as his jaw clenches.

He’s seated at a table with a number of other people, and there’s a woman happily propped behind him with her arms around his shoulders, not that he seems to notice.

But that’s not what bothers me. It’s something about his energy and his posture. The music slows and he swallows hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat. And a chill runs from my neck to my toes.

Something is off.

Turning to Celeste, I give her a smile. “Thanks for the dance, but I’ve got to go check on something.”

She nods and dances in a circle until she’s latched onto someone else.

Spinning back around, the gap of people has closed, but I start pushing through in the direction I saw Noah only moments ago. The mass of bodies feels endless, a few grabbing at me as I walk past. But the sinking feeling in my gut urges me to continue, and when I finally get through them, I see him.

There are three other people seated at the table around Noah, not including the girl dangling on him like a desperate ornament. But he isn’t looking at any of them, his eyes are fixed downward, where one of the guys is slowly working a razorblade through a pile of coke.

The razor slides through the white powder, pushing it into perfect lines. Noah’s eyes focus on every drag and there’s something dark playing in them I haven’t seen since the night I met him.

As I take a step closer, he finally looks up, and his stare locks on mine.

I read everything I need to know in that look. Because as much as I like to lie and say he’s like anyone else to me, the truth is, I know him better than anyone. There’s the smile he wears as a shield, the laughs he uses to cover up how he really feels. And then there’s this expression right here. Where he’s physically present but inside he might as well be sinking.

Noah’s pale blue eyes are darker than I’ve ever seen them, and even if I know Noah’s sobriety is tested almost daily, this moment feels different.

He looks like he wants to give in.

“Noah,” I say, and it earns me a glare from the redhead who’s hanging on him.

He nods at me but doesn’t say anything. His eyes dip as another line gets drawn on the table.

I reach my hand out to him. “Let’s go home.”

The woman who is trying to claim him now seems thoroughly annoyed, but she can fuck off and find another dick to ride tonight. I don’t care about pissing her off if Noah is on some kind of ledge and there’s a threat of him tipping.

“We were just getting the party started,” some guy seated at the table says, grabbing onto my hand, which from the look in Noah’s eyes, he doesn’t appreciate.

At least the movement snaps Noah out of whatever was going on because he stands up and starts moving in my direction. Except, I’m already on it.

“Touch my hand again, and I’ll make you regret it.” I narrow my eyes at the guy.

He grins wide but drops my hand. “Feisty, I like it.”

Leaning down slightly, I get in his face because it’s been a long night, and I’m tired of dealing with men like him.

“I didn’t ask if you liked it, asshole.”

Noah reaches me, and I feel his fingers lace between mine. I take his hand before I’m tempted to hurt someone. It’s another reminder of how Noah really is different from the rest of them. He’s thoughtful, sweet, protective. He cares.

The guy grins and goes back to the coke.

“Let’s go,” Noah says, and I move to follow him.

Noah leads the way, weaving us through the crowd of people. We pass the guy who tried to get handsy with me earlier and I flip him off as we go by. More people are arriving as we make it outside, and only then does Noah let go of me.

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