Page 45 of Forever and Ever

“What’s got you in such a shit mood?” Rome quirks an eyebrow. “You’re not fucking Merry yet?”

I look up at him and narrow my eyes.

“Come the fuck on, Noah.” Rome sits on a stool at the island. “Get in or get the fuck over it already.”

“Please tell me how you really feel.”

“My house,” Rome says. “So, you’re either going to listen to me tell you how it is, or you can pout in your own home.”

I ignore him and dig the coffee grounds out of the fridge. It doesn’t matter that I don’t want to hear whatever fucked up shit Rome is about to say, he’s going to speak his mind. And maybe that’s exactly what I need to hear. Because whatever it is I’m currently doing is not working.

“Let’s just set the whole Merry mess aside for a second,” Rome says, taking a sip, and I realize he’s drinking whiskey at seven thirty in the morning. “A relationship is the last thing you need right now, man. We’re about to go back on tour. Not worth it.”

“Not sure you’re the one I should be taking relationship advice from.”

“You showed up on my doorstep, not Sebastian’s. If you wanted advice from a pussy-whipped motherfucker, I’m sure that dickhead would be happy to help.”

Rome’s eyebrows lift in a challenge as he takes another drink, and he’s right. I thought about texting Sebastian, but he’s too lovestruck by his relationship with Cassie at the moment. I don’t need unrealistic bullshit to give me false hope. I need someone who’s going to kick me in the nuts and wake me the fuck up.

Which, at the moment, leaves me with Rome. I love the guy and respect the crap out of him as a member of the band, but he’s not the guy you go to if you want someone to hold your hand and tell you everything will be okay in the end, especially when it comes to relationships. I don’t know if he’s ever even been in one that lasted longer than one night.

Which makes him the person I need insight from right now. My head can’t be trusted when it’s continually circling back to Merry. Rome’s lashing is what I deserve.

“Point taken.” I sigh.

“Good, because I’m not going to tell you what you want to hear. And it’s not because I don’t like Merry or don’t think you two could be good together. But she’s not there with you.” Rome narrows his eyes. “I know you don’t want to give her up, but you need to ask yourself if this is worth all the fucking pain? Because if it is, then have at it, my brother. More power to you. But you can’t bitch every five seconds when it hurts. Either be in the shit or get out.”

Somehow through his drunken haze, Rome is making a lot of sense. Merry has never been the easy choice. If I wanted a girl who would happily settle down, I could have started chasing someone else months ago. Anyone else.

Merry is a constant knife to the fucking chest.

Painful. Draining.

Worth it.

Fuck.

That right there is the thought I need to kick. Maybe I’m a masochist and I’m only just now realizing it.

“Is that why you don’t do relationships?” I ask. “Not worth the pain?”

“Fuck no,” Rome says with a dark chuckle. He spins his drink on the counter and watches the whiskey swish around. “Pain doesn’t scare me. That’s the easy part. It’s the other side of it that’s not worth it.”

“Which is what?”

Rome doesn’t look up at me. He swirls the whiskey in his glass, and I think maybe he’s drifted into his own world. His fingers flex on the glass, drawing out the muscles in his hands, buried in ink.

When he finally looks back up at me, there’s a dark look in his eyes.

“Realizing you might be going through it all for nothing,” he says. “The pain you can suffer through, maybe it’ll even make you numb to it after a while. Fuck, you might even be stronger because of that shit. But getting on the other side of it and finding nothing there looking you in the face—realizing it was all for nothing—not worth it.”

“Who says it would be all for nothing?”

Maybe I want him to convince me that there’s a chance with Merry. That even if I know she doesn’t want more, and everyone around us thinks I’m wasting my time, he might see something in there to help me understand why I keep beating my head against a wall trying.

Rome shrugs. “You don’t know ‘till you get there I guess.”

An empty feeling creeps up inside. “Guess so.”

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