Page 44 of Forever and Ever

“How are you feeling?”

“I’m fine.”

Her posture tells me otherwise. Besides seeming tired, she’s still slightly hunched and her muscles are tensed.

“Do you need me to get you anything?” I sit up and try to shake off whatever energy she’s giving off right now.

“No,” she says, and I feel those familiar walls coming up.

“Merry—”

“I’m fine.” she turns sideways and forces a smile. “Everything’s fine. Can we move on?”

“That would make you happy, right?” I clench the bedsheet. Because right now I’d really like to scream. I’m so tired of her finding every way imaginable to shut me out, even after I’ve been there for her.

Last night, she was real with me. I had her in my arms and it felt like maybe I was making some kind of progress. There was a wall down, but I should have known better. One barrier breached just means there are twenty more standing ready to take its place.

Merry crosses her arms over her chest and narrows her already dark eyes. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

I climb off the bed and circle around it to stand facing her. Just because she’s more comfortable avoiding me, doesn’t mean I’m going to let that happen right now. I’m not even sure what’s driving me. Lust, anger, irritation, all three—knowing that no matter what I do, this is always where I end up. In front of her, trying to get through something impenetrable.

“I’m saying it’s okay to ask for help sometimes.” I move closer and she has to look up at me. “It’s okay to not be okay. But you’reyou. And we both know I’m shouting into a fucking void right now trying to get you to see that. So, have it your way. You don’t want help, I’ll stop offering.”

“I told you I’m okay, Noah.”

“Good,” I say, even if we both know she’s lying. “I’ll give you some space then.”

I leave her room and head down the hall.

Sometimes I’m honestly not sure why I even try anymore. Any inch gained inevitably forces me a step backward. Maybe I’ve officially gone insane, and this is some loop I’m living in. Being rejected by her over and over again.

Pulling out my phone, I shoot off a text to Rome.

Noah:You up?

Rome:Which part of me?

Noah:I’ll take that as a yes… and gross

Rome:Not my fault these chicks can go all night long.

Noah:Put some fucking pants on. I’m coming over.

Rome:Buzz kill

Noah:See u in 10

I need to get out of my house. Merry is everywhere, same room or not. And if I'm looking for a distraction, Rome's place is guaranteed to make that happen.

By the time I’m pulling up to Rome’s house, there are three women piling into a car. One stumbles over another and it’s clear they’re still drunk, so I’m glad to see Rome at least has his driver chauffeuring them back to wherever they came from.

Rome, for his part, stands in the doorway with a shit-eating grin on his face.

“Fun night?”

“Always,” he says, stepping aside. “The redhead was limber.”

I follow him into his kitchen and help myself to his coffee pot, turning it on and filling it with water. Somehow, I feel like I got the best sleep I’ve ever had, while still being exhausted.

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