“They always do.”
She chews the corner of her bottom lip, and I wish I knew if that makes her jealous or if she really doesn’t give a shit.
“Not that you looked lonely tonight, yourself,” I say to her.
Merry shrugs one shoulder. “He was all right.”
“That’s because you’re fucking the wrong guys.”
I expect her to give me some snappy remark in return, but she doesn’t. She nods her head as her eyes skim me over. My chest is bare outside of the covers, and I wonder if her cheeks are flushed and it’s just too dark in the room for me to see it.
“Why do you like me, Noah?”
I almost think she’s making a joke, but the somber look on her face surprises me.
“Why do I like you?” I rake my hands through my hair.
It’s a bold question, but that’s Merry.
“You’re beautiful,” I say, and she rolls her eyes. “But, that’s not all.”
She holds up her hand and waves it in a circle, egging me on.
“You’re tough as nails, borderline terrifying.” I fake a grimace, and it makes her laugh. “You’re thoughtful, even though you don’t want people to know it, so I promise to keep that to myself. But mostly, you’re just real. You don’t pretend to be someone you’re not, and that’s rare these days.”
An unreadable expression crosses Merry’s face but fades as quickly as it came.
“There’s still a lot you don’t know about me,” she says. “I’m not the girl you bring home to meet your parents.”
“Good thing I’m not speaking to my parents then.”
“I mean it.” Her tone is harsher this time. “I can’t be anything more than a friend to you, Noah. It’s better this way.”
She rolls onto her back and stares at the ceiling. The inches between us in the bed suddenly feel like miles I wish I could cross.
Usually, when Merry shuts me down, it’s initiated by my flirting. But this—what she said—feels different. Like a warning. Like maybe thereismore, and she does feel it, but whatever is on the other side of her walls is too scary for her to face.
I roll onto my back to match her, staring at the shadows making faces on the ceiling. They fade out and in with what must be clouds passing in the night sky. Merry’s breathing evens out, and I think she’s already asleep until something warm brushes my hand beneath the covers. Without saying anything, she takes my hand in hers and holds it. Our fingers are laced together, and she warms me somewhere deep.
“You could give me a shot, you know,” I whisper, even if I should be dropping the subject.
“I can’t.” She shakes her head. “For more reasons than I can tell you.”
“Fair enough.”
I’m tempted to spend all night arguing with her, but she’s not the kind of girl you corner, so I’m smart enough to drop it.
“Thank you for tonight, Noah,” she whispers, sounding almost asleep, as her grip softens in mine.
I squeeze her hand. “Anything for you, beautiful.”
5
Merry
Sweatbeadsonmyskin as Noah’s hand grips my hip and holds it down. His fingertips trace the edge of my stomach and all my muscles tense. My entire body might as well be vibrating under his touch.
“Fuck, Noah.” I tip my head back and close my eyes.