Page 14 of Forever and Ever

She’s real—raw… in a way I’ve never seen a person. I want to drown in that reality and feel for once what it’s like to strip away all the bullshit.

I want to know everything about her, and I want her to know everything about me. Not that she seems to have any interest in doing the same. As evidenced by her grabbing this random guy’s hand and pulling him off the dance floor behind her.

“Let’s get you a distraction,” Sebastian says, noticing whatever look must have crossed my face.

Sebastian waves at the chicks standing on the periphery of the VIP section and points out a couple of them to the security guards standing watch. They let the ladies in, who are all too eager to make their way over to us. Some cute blonde chick sits down on the other side of Sebastian, and a sexy brunette in a tiny red dress slides up next to me.

Why is it every woman lately just seemsfine enough? I miss the days when I could snort a pile of coke and not have to deal with all these empty feelings.

“Lisette,” the girl introduces herself, leaning close enough that I could get drunk on the smell of vodka in her drink.

“Nice to meet you.” I sit back and stretch my arm out along the couch behind her, which she seems to appreciate.

Merry’s right, I don’t even have to try anymore. I could ignore Lisette all night and she would still come back to my room with me.

“Want a drink?” she says, looking down at the water sitting in front of me on the table.

I shake my head. “Don’t drink.”

“Okay.” She laughs like she doesn’t believe me, but I don’t try to explain myself or convince her. I don’t really give a fuck if she knows that I’m sober. It’s not why she’s here.

Lisette slides her hand onto my lap and her fingers rest right at the edge of where my dick sits, slowly moving her hand up and down my thigh like an invitation.

“Did you want to dance?” I ask her, but she shakes her head.

Leaning in, her mouth gets really close to my ear. “I’d rather go somewhere a little quieter.”

Sebastian nudges my arm, and when I look at him, he’s grinning with the blonde latched onto his neck. He shoots me a wink and then tips his chin to the chick beside me. The only good thing about him being a fucking disaster right now is he’s helpful with the distractions. But sooner or later, the guy is going to need to deal with his shit.

“All right.” I stand up and hold out my hand, which Lisette happily takes.

At least if my mind insists on living inside a black hole tonight, I won’t have to go there alone. And she seems more than willing to help me out.

Help out, she does. On her knees, from behind, the girl is very helpful, apparently.

But once she’s dressed again, and I’m in sweats with her perfume coating my body, I don’t feel the relaxation I was looking for. I just feel dirty.

“I had fun.” She lifts onto her toes to kiss me goodbye in the doorway to my room.

I’d rather not, but if it’ll make her leave faster, then so be it.

It’s not her fault I’m basically a shell at this point. Or that once she disappears down the hallway and I shut the door to my room behind her, I feel another piece of myself break off and wither away.

The same feeling I get every time lately. My soul going through a cheese grater, the pieces slicing off one at a time, until pretty soon I don’t think there’ll be anything left.

Even a hot shower doesn’t rid me of it. But at least it washes off her perfume. The last thing I need is a reminder of how the random groupie's scent is just one more thing that doesn’t smell like the one person’s scent I’d rather be inhaling.

I’m about to climb into bed when a knock comes at the door.

I swear if Rome locked himself out of his room again, I’m going to let him sleep in the hallway just to prove a point. But when I open the door, it’s not him who comes toppling inside, it’s Merry.

She falls into my arms, like the door was holding her upright, and without it, she’s lost all balance.

“Noah.” Her eyes widen.

I steady her until she’s finally balanced on her legs again, before pulling away.

“I didn’t know you and Eloise were fucking,” she says, and I feel like maybe I’m dreaming because I have no idea what she’s talking about.

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