Page 109 of Forever and Ever

Either way, even after the surgery, the chances of her getting pregnant again are slim, if not nonexistent. But that’s a bridge we’ll cross when we come to it.

It’s been a lot to take in. But surprisingly, the conversations with the doctors haven’t been the hardest part of this trip. Nothing could top dinner with Merry’s parents.

There was definitely still tension, even though Monica and Carson tried their best to act as buffers. Carson’s a laid-back guy so it made me feel like maybe I wouldn’t be totally out of place in her family, but her dad spent most of dinner giving me a warning with his eyes from the other side of the table.

Her mom was warm, at least. Apart from the comments she made on more than one occasion about my long hair and Merry’s growing tattoo collection.

I was just glad to see them all in the same room together making progress. Merry needs her family right now, and even if they don’t understand her lifestyle choices, I’m happy they’re doing the right thing by being there for her.

It’s more than I’ve ever been able to say about my own family.

“It’s just a lot,” I tell the guys.

The sound of waves crashing is calming, reminding me of all the times as a kid I spent playing at the beach. Back when my dad still gave a shit about the son he was raising. We would play catch and chase waves. A time when things were lighter.

“It’s a lot of shit for a new relationship,” Adrian says, breaking the silence.

“It’s not that—although yeah, I guess by normal standards it is.” I shake my head. “But with Merry, I don’t know, it feels like we’ve been together forever already. I just wish there was more I could do.”

Leaning back, I rest my hands in the sand.

“I can’t believe she’s been keeping all that in for so long. Even Cassie didn’t know,” Sebastian says.

“I get it,” Rome says, taking a drink of his beer. His eyes are fixed on the horizon. “Some shit is easier to keep inside. Because once you let it out—” Rome waves his beer bottle out in front of him but doesn’t finish his sentence, and it makes me wonder what’s living inside, tormenting him.

“She’s just going through so much shit.” I lean forward again. “And I’m sitting here unaffected.”

“Not exactly unaffected,” Sebastian says with a solemn look on his face.

He’s right, but I’m still having a hard time thinking about what Merry and I lost. There doesn’t feel like a right way to grieve something that you didn’t know existed in the first place. It’s a loss unlike anything I’ve dealt with before. A hole I’m not sure will ever fill.

“I still can’t believe she was—” Adrian stops, dropping his chin and shaking his head. With him and Eloise being there when she collapsed at his house, he has an understanding deeper than the others, even though we’ve shared Merry’s pregnancy news with the rest of the band.

“You and me both,” I say.

Adrian reaches out and slaps a sandy palm on the back of my shoulder. “We’re here for you though. You need anything, we’ve got you.”

“I appreciate that, all Merry can seem to worry about right now is that she’s cutting into the band’s recording time.”

Adrian lifts an eyebrow at me and Sebastian laughs.

“You’re shitting me?” Adrian says.

I shake my head. “Nope.”

“Fucking Merry.” Rome chuckles.

“I think it gives her something to focus on that isn’t herself, so I can’t blame her.” I shrug. “After all, if anything is to blame for all the album delays, it’s this dipshit over here.”

I shove Sebastian’s arm and he topples sideways in the sand laughing.

“Fuck you, man,” he says, sitting up and shoving me back, which sends my water flying at Adrian.

“You guys are worse than children.” Adrian shakes the water and sand off himself.

Rome’s just sitting there laughing so I throw some sand at him.

“Hey,” he says. “That got in my beer.”

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