Page 88 of Heart Break Her

“Fine.” I sigh. “I mean, it’s like he said, this is just temporary. He’s a rock star, it’s not like I’m his girlfriend.”

Merry tips her chin down and lifts an eyebrow at me. “And you actually believe that shit?”

“For him, yes.”

Merry nods her head as she thinks that over, and I really wish she’d argue with me about my statement, but she doesn’t, solidifying my feelings.

“And what about you, Cassie? How do you feel about it?” Merry loops her arm through mine.

“The truth or what I’m trying to tell myself?”

Merry nudges my arm. “You better be honest as fuck with me, Cassie Walker. Or we are no longer friends.”

“Then honestly, I’m tired and confused.” I sigh. “I’m not ready to go, but I also know what I have to do.”

Even if it hurts.

Falling for Sebastian was never an option, but that didn’t make it a choice either. Every time his lips met mine, or he looked at me with that grin that transports me to another universe, I subconsciously handed over another piece of myself to him. It doesn’t help that sex with him is universe altering. How he touches me, holds me, needs me.

I rest my head on Merry’s shoulder. “I told them I need at least another week, maybe two. But I can’t avoid it forever. I have a life to get back to.”

It aches to say it. As much as I didn’t want to be on this tour initially, I’ve been getting more comfortable by the day.

It’s addicting.

That’s the appeal, after all, isn’t it? The allure of being around rock stars. It’s easy to drown your grief and escape if you never have to actually sit still for five minutes and feel it.

But it only works for a short time. Sebastian and I are two very different people with very different lives. We want different things. He might be able to circle the globe without attachments, but I want something stable—something more.

“Well, good luck with that conversation,” Merry says with a hint of a frown on her face. “Not looking forward to the fallout.”

“What do you mean?”

“He’s different with you, Cassie. I’ve been around the band for almost a year, and honestly, I thought he was beyond repair. Half the time he’s barely human, he’s so fucked up. But then you came, and,” Merry shrugs a shoulder, “things changed.”

I’m not sure what I’ve done, but it reminds me of something Sebastian said to me on the bus. How he felt like he was coming back to life when we met. I may not know what to make of it, but, deep down, I understand exactly what he means.

“Whatever you say.” I brush Merry off because that’s a rabbit hole I’m not prepared to go down right now.

“Ladies.” Gage, one of the band’s roadies, comes up in front of us with a wide grin, blocking our view of the stage.

He’s tall and muscular, with bleached white hair that contrasts against his dark skin. I’ve seen him around the tour. Most people get along with him, and from what I gather, he’s close with Stacy and Megan. But I’ve never spoken to him directly, and the way his eyes move up and down my body makes me think he’s definitely seen me naked.

At this point, I’m getting better at recognizing it. People have this way of either looking at me with lust or disgust if they’ve seen the video. Both make me uncomfortable. No matter how many times Merry tells me it’s the twenty-first century and I should own it.

If I’d done it knowingly, maybe I would. But that’s not the case.

“Gage,” Merry says, unimpressed, which is her go-to response to people she isn’t close with.

Her eyes skim him up and down in a move that mirrors what he’s doing to me, and I appreciate that it makes him seem instantly uncomfortable.

“Hey, Merry,” he says with a pinched expression, looking back at me. “Cassie.”

I nod.

“You ladies hitting up the after party tonight? The crew is headed out to Blaze, one of the clubs downtown. It’s supposed to be pretty fucking sick.” Gage smiles, not moving his eyes off me.

Andnowis when I start to feel really uncomfortable.

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