Page 87 of Heart Break Her

Griefisabeing.It takes on a physical form inside you without actually needing to be one. It tangles deep, where nerves meet bone.

You’ll believe you’re fine and over it. And then, somewhere along the way, a smile reminds you of that person, or a laugh echoes in a forgotten crevice, and the pain strikes you all over again. Reminding you that you’re at grief’s mercy, no matter how long it’s been.

It will never leave you alone.

But my grief is quieter around Sebastian. Maybe because my own pain discovered a friend in his. But the emptiness from losing my brother dulls just enough that I can get through the day feeling like I’ll make it.

It might not be healthy, and it might only result in a deeper cut in the end, but I can’t help basking in that feeling.

Sebastian taking me to the street exhibit was unexpected. It was thoughtful and caring, not what I would expect from a rock star. And it’s making it difficult to keep my head on straight because it gives me a glimpse of the attentive side of him that would be harder to ignore.

I’m starting to see the version of him my brother knew. Someone he cared about and trusted. And while that’s comforting, it’s also a stark reminder of the hole in my chest.

Being on tour, spending time with Sebastian, and hearing everyone’s stories, it all reminds me of Myth. It gives me a taste of the people who surrounded him and of a life I’ve been missing. It’s showing me what it feels like to make decisions not based on someone else. And I’m starting to crave it.

I’ve been a shell of a person for the past year, but that changes around Sebastian. It could just be the thrill of biting into the apple when I know I shouldn’t, but, at the same time, it feels a lot like Sebastian just being Sebastian and him fitting perfectly with me. The magnetism is overwhelming, and it’s clear this game of emotional chicken isn’t going to end well for my already fractured heart.

After the art exhibit, Sebastian had to get to sound check, so I joined Merry and Rumi for a shopping spree; my wardrobe is seriously lacking for hanging out with rock stars. While the girls who hang out with the band are usually in sexy crop tops, fishnets, and leather, I look like a farmer’s daughter who might as well have pigtails in my hair.

By the time we get back to the venue, the concert has already started. Sebastian’s voice echoes through the stadium and sends a chill down the length of my spine. There’s nothing like hearing him perform. He’s all encompassing, dragging thousands of hearts straight from their homes and soaking them up.

“My fellow pink lady is back,” Quinn cheers when she sees me turn the corner to the backstage area.

The crew is standing around watching them play, and Quinn pushes through them to make her way over to Merry and me. She flicks a piece of hair off my shoulder and shoots me a wide smile as she waves her own pink ponytail in the air.

“The red and purple were temporary color for the paint show.” I smile, twisting the pink strands around my finger. “I had the pink touched up this afternoon.”

I almost had them cut it off entirely, admitting to myself that at some point soon I should probably be ready to step back into my put-together, professional life. But as I sat in the hairdresser’s chair, I wasn’t ready to let go of this bit of freedom just yet.

Especially after the phone call I got this afternoon.

My work finally called me. And while I’ve been waiting in suspense for the past few weeks, assuming they were going to fire me, they surprised me by telling me that they want me back as soon as possible.

Apparently, it’s true what they say—all press is good press. From what they told me, the firm has received increased interest since my name went public. While I’ve been offline, my social media exploded, and my art is apparently everywhere.

Labels and brands have been asking for it.

Beggingfor it, or so they say.

I should be thrilled. It’s finally time to go home, get some sleep, and check in on my parents. My career is going to take off, and I’ll be back in my own life. I never meant for this tour to be a long-term thing. I’m not my brother, and that’s crystal clear based on exhaustion alone.

This should be good news.

But when those words came out of my boss’s mouth, I was immediately torn down the middle between what I’m meant to do, and where my heart is currently leading me. And I have no idea how I’m going to tell Sebastian.

My eyes move to the stage. Sebastian and Rome have their backs to each other, and they’re deep into the final chorus of Wicked Heat. He looks absolutely delicious, and it makes my heart sink. While he says he doesn’t want a girlfriend, it hasn’t stopped me from feeling like things between us are more than he’s willing to label it. And while he’ll probably move on soon after I’m gone, I’m not sure how I will.

“You’re thinking about it again.” Merry nudges my side, and I look over at her.

She had green streaks added to her dark hair today to match her emerald Monroe piercing. The look reminds me a lot of the villain in Sleeping Beauty. That is, if Maleficent was young, hot, and hung out with rock stars.

“I have to go back,” I tell her, surprising even myself that it brings a frown to my face. “It’s the right thing to do.”

“I don’t know about the right thing.” Merry shakes her head. “But I’m the wrong person to ask. My dad still isn’t talking to me after I dropped out of school. When do they want you there?”

“Ideally, within the next couple of weeks. They tried to get me to give them a date, but I said I had to sort out a few things.” My eyes move once more to Sebastian on stage, and I realize he’s spotted me. A grin stretches his face before he turns back to the audience.

“How do you think he’s going to react?”

---