Page 123 of Heart Break Her

Cassie asked me once if I got nervous before going on stage, and that answer is still no. But whatever it is I’m feeling, it’s something big. Transcendent. Like stepping out there sheds a lot of the past I didn’t realize I was carrying around.

“This one’s for you, bro,” I say to no one, or maybe the stars. Maybe Myth is somewhere out there listening. Or maybe he’s partying it up in the afterlife, getting all the hot dudes and chicks.

But I’m still here, and I’m doing this shit.

The beat picks up and it’s my cue, I paint the rock star smile on my face and walk out onto the stage, letting the music fuel me. Letting their screams breathe life into my bones.

I look out at their faces and stand at the edge of the stage with the microphone on my lips, right where it belongs. And that’s when I spot her.

A flash of pink cascading over her shoulders.

A smile lighting up the whole fucking night.

And I sing for her.

37

Cassie

Bynow,I’veseenSebastian perform many times, but there’s something different about tonight. How he walks across the stage like he’s lighting it on fire and enjoying every second of the flames eating him up.

If it’s possible, he’s even more gorgeous than I remember. His dark blond hair falls just above his eyes as sweat beads on his skin. He holds the microphone in both hands and pours his soul into it. He looks every bit the rock star, with a fitted black T-shirt and black leather pants. Chains and rings and bracelets.

I missed him.

God, I missed him so much.

And never more than right now when he’s ten feet away with the entirety of Sacramento screaming his name.

I remember the first time I saw him perform. I closed my eyes. He was like looking into the sun, and his words melted me from the inside out. But tonight, I can’t look away even if I wanted to. He’s my universe, and I’m the star who wants to go willingly as he drags me into his vastness.

“He’s on fire tonight,” Quinn says.

“Fuck yeah he is,” Merry agrees. “They all are.”

In a show of female solidarity, they said there was no way they wouldn’t be watching from the crowd tonight right beside me. Not to mention that Merry is always down to be somewhere that at any point could turn into a mosh pit.

Quinn has her phone up, recording pieces she’ll no doubt cut and post to their social media accounts later. A video I would have been pining at from afar if I hadn’t come tonight. Because even though I left Sebastian in Denver, I didn’t stop thinking about his face.

After Quinn cleaned out my social media accounts and set them to private, I finally reloaded the apps back on my phone. But instead of checking on family and friends like I said I was going to do, I found myself looking at Sebastian.

He rarely posts to his own accounts, but the band page is active with Quinn managing it. Photos of them backstage, on stage, out places. And he seemed happy, all things considered, which I found relief in because it wasn’t my intention to break him by walking away.

I knew we needed to heal separately. Now that I’m standing here, I just hope it’s not too late.

Revolve Her ends with a fit of screams from the crowd. Sebastian is on his knees at the edge of the stage with his head down, and the microphone held up in the air. The simple movement asking—begging—them to call out for him. And they do—I do. Because we need it as much as he does.

I’ve seen this show enough times to know what’s next. I wait in anticipation for the first chords of Wicked Heat to take the place of the fans’ screaming. But it feels like forever, sitting in that silence.

Sebastian’s chest rises and falls hard, but the band seems relaxed and ready, like a secret they all know is coming.

But instead of Rome starting the song, Sebastian brings the microphone down and grips it in both of his hands, standing up at the edge of the stage.

“How are we doing tonight, Sacramento?” he asks, and the fans answer with screams.

God, his speaking voice is even sexier than his singing one, if that’s possible. I melt in a puddle at the sound of it. As if Merry senses my knees caving, she hooks her arm through mine.

“Good to hear it.” Sebastian smiles so big, it lights up his eyes brighter than I’ve ever seen them. “This show has been a long time coming.”

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