Page 108 of Heart Break Her

Since the moment Sebastian showed up at my apartment, I feel like I’ve been slowly sinking. Right now, I need the space to breathe freely again.

I step back, but before I get too far, Sebastian wraps a hand around the spot on the back of my neck that craves him, and he pulls me in again, pressing his mouth to mine with force this time.

I melt into the kiss, wishing I could forgive him for holding back. Wishing I could trust him in all the ways he deserves. Wishing I could ask him to wait for me to sort this out.

If I could, I’d ask him to do his own healing while I’m gone, so we could see if we’re more than our pain, our grief, or our escape.

If only he would hold on a little longer, then maybe we could reach a place where we could explore what started that first night between us. Before he knew I was Myth’s sister, and before I knew how tangled their friendship had been.

I want to ask him to not let me go just yet, but it’s not fair. Because right now, we both need to purge this pain. We need to heal. And the truth is, I need to find myself apart from him now that I know everything. Sebastian makes it too easy for me to lose myself in him.

The Cassie I was before this tour, isn’t the same as the Cassie I am now. And she also isn’t the Cassie my brother knew.

Before I can be someone else’s, I need to be my own.

Sebastian’s lips break their connection, and I might as well disintegrate as he takes a step back.

“Bye, Cassie.”

I turn before I can talk myself out of it. Feeling his gaze on me the whole way to the car and then down the road. Feeling markings on my skin I’m not sure I’ll ever move on from. Feeling him in my heart—breaking it all over again.

33

Sebastian

Somethinghitsmeinthe side of the leg. It feels a lot like a boot, sending a sharp pain radiating down my body.

Or is that coming from somewhere in my chest? I can’t be sure of anything. Only that it all hurts.

I’ve had hangovers and then I’ve had whatever this is—a throbbing between the temples that reaches a lot deeper than the booze ever could. But it isn’t the pounding behind my eyes that’s causing the majority of the pain. It’s my ribs. More specifically, what’s beating beneath them.

Nice time for that asshole to show up to the fucking party.

I smack myself on the chest, but it doesn’t do me any good. I’m only half awake, but it’s enough to know Cassie is really gone.

I’m going back and forth between beating myself up over not telling her the truth sooner, and wishing she’d never found out at all. But it all circles one familiar drain: the black hole that is my life washing everyone who gets too close into its depths and drowning them.

A damn boot kicks me again.

“Fuck off,” I say, throwing my arm over my eyes.

Why is it that people never let you drink and smoke yourself to death in peace? Always have to show up giving two shits, right past the point where it’s too late to convince me otherwise.

“Not going to happen.”

Eloise, perfect. Just what I need is her doing her judgy twin, voodoo mind shit on me.

“I’m fine, El,” I lie.

Someone snorts, and I know it’s Noah based on the sound alone, without having to remove my arm from my eyes.

“You’re fine?” Eloise pokes me on the arm. “You’re in your underwear, sleeping in my backyard.”

What the fuck?

Am I?

Something tickles my sides, and I realize it must be grass. The last thing I remember clearly—besides cutting open my soul with a serrated knife and handing it over to Cassie, only to have her reject it—is drinking.

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