“Anything. I never know. Some of it’s good, but a lot of it’s not. I see mainly past memories with the occasional future event.”
“Do you see these things all the time?”
I shake my head and stare at a sconce on the wall. Is it hand-painted? I also like the idea of Anna taking a sconce-painting class on the weekend when she’s not here. It’s so normal. “Only when I make direct contact with someone.”
“Meaning?”
“Skin-to-skin.”
“I notice you’re not wearing gloves.”
Wow. She’s good.
I study my hands in the heavy silence. Years of trauma and triggers stare back at me. Years of standing on the outside because of my intrusions inside.
“I know. That would make it go away. I should want that, right?” I flex my fingers and meet her thoughtful gaze again. “It kills me that I don’t know if I do. Sometimes, yes, of course I wish I could make it go away. But other times…” I let out a harsh breath, surprised to hear these thoughts pouring out. “In lots of ways it defines me, and I’m afraid I’d be lost without it. Maybe it’s what I am. Maybe it’s my excuse.”
Anna remains silent, waiting. I look away and allow my thoughts to return to Daniel and the visions that shoved me into his life. The very symbol of my dilemma. A single touch creating a permanent connection or immediate alienation. I still don’t know which I have with Daniel.
“How do you handle the things you see?” she asks when I don’t continue. “You must learn some difficult things. Maybe painful things?”
I keep my gaze down, careful to avoid her; there’s too much for her to discover. How did we get here so quickly? Maybe she’s more dangerous than all of them.
“It depends on the person. If it’s a neutral vision, I pretend I didn’t see anything. People don’t like sharing their memorieswithout their permission. I’m so used to it that sometimes I barely notice them if it’s nothing earth shattering.”
“And if you can’t ignore it?”
“I’ve lost more than a few friends because of things I’ve seen.” I blink and stare at the floor. “Eventually I lose all of them.”
“Your choice or theirs?”
“Both.”
Anna’s gaze passes over me slowly when I dare a look up again. “You seem troubled. Is there something you want to talk about?”
I stiffen, studying her closely. Can I trust her? Daniel’s vision returns with violent clarity. Can I trust anyone in this place?
I force a smile. “I see people’s past and future. I’m always troubled.”
She nods, seemingly unaffected by my deflection. “I can understand that, but if there’s anything specific, I’m here for you.”
“Thank you. At least I have a friend for twenty minutes a day then.” I’m only half-joking.
“That’s just our required time. I’m available whenever you need me, as long as I’m not with another student.”
“Thanks.”
“Are you having trouble fitting in, Rebecca? You’re still new. Make sure you give yourself enough time and don’t get discouraged.”
I grip the arms of my chair. “I’m trying. I don’t know why I thought the people here would be different than on the outside.”
“You think they aren’t?”
“Well, they are, obviously, but not in a way that matters.”
“I read in your file that you’re living in the Birchwood Suite. Is Ben Dormand part of your concerns?”
I inhale sharply, not sure I’m ready for personal details. “You mean, his gift? You must get lots of students in here obsessingover him.” Anna smiles, and I know I’m right. I briefly consider lying and deflecting again to that easy target, but I can’t bring myself to lie about admiring Ben, even as a tool. I shake my head. “I’m finding it easy to resist him. He said depending on people’s abilities some struggle less than others. I must be one of the lucky ones.”