Page 29 of Steel Rain

“I was never in the inner circle, even though we’re full Irish, and have been hanging with the Greens since before the Good Friday Accord,” he said, coming to his feet and heading out to the door. “So, I don’t know what kind of drama you’re into. But Iama good Catholic boy. And I feel like I’ve been led to have your back.” He opened the door, and with a sweeping gesture, motioned for me to go out into the hallway with him. “It feels like fate.”

I dug my hands into my pockets and walked out into the hallway.

“Good Catholic boy, huh?” I said, as he closed the door. I reached down with my key and locked it.

“Altar boy and everything!”

“So, you suffer from a ton of guilt and get hard for Christmas?”

“Oh, do Iever?”His laugh was genuine. Like birds singing, or cubs playing in the fucking woods. It was the kind of thing one hopes to hear in their life, but rarely do. “I love Christmas presents! It’s like the best day of the damn year!”

We walked in the darkness. I had only walked it a few times, but I was starting to learn the way to the DFAC by heart. I knew where the branches under the ground jutted out and made it uneven. I knew where there were divots and holes where water collected and froze in the cold winter night.

Maybe I learned it because my hackles were always up. I was so aware of every fucking thing, because danger lurked in every corner.

I was scared all the time. I couldn’t sleep. I was afraid that the moment I shut my eyes, Keith would pop out and finish what he started. I could see him around every corner, like he was a shadow haunting me right out of my vision.

I dreamed about him. It had taken me years to banish him from my head, and now I was swimming in reminders of him. Of the incident.

Worse yet, I could hear them gossiping. I could feel the looks these people gave me. I had grown up with many of these guys. Not Kieran, of course. His family had gone down to New York City, and he had only returned recently. But sometimes, when he didn’t think I was looking, I’d see him turning his head, looking around, as if he was looking for danger.

Other times, he looked at me with this sympathy that broke my heart. It reminded me of Guile when he found out why I left this life. He was protective and trying not to be obvious about it.

It was becoming routine, going into that darkened exterior, then into the well-lit interior of the Chow hall. The commotion and conversation would quiet, for just a second, as Kieran stepped in front of me and walked like he was clearing a path towards the food. I’d bow my head and try not to hear the whispers. I’d avoid everyone’s judging gazes. I’d try not to think about what they’ve heard, what they’ve assumed …

All the same, it would prickle my skin and raise my heart rate until it was all I could think about.

“Traitor,” someone growled, as they slammed their shoulder into me.

I stumbled back.

“Watch it!” Kieran said, stepping up beside me.

The man turned around, and my heart sank. O’Rourke.

Christ, we were kids together. Our family used to go to church together. I was pretty sure I was forced to go to his communion. Now, I was nothing but a traitor to him.

“Apologize!” Kieran said, seeming to grow ten feet tall in an instant. “Soldier, apologize! Now!”

His voice boomed with the command. For the first time, I realized exactly why he had become a Lieutenant in the guards, and why he had been given his own platoon.

“Sorry,” O’Rourke said under his breath with a roll of his eyes.

“You got a problem with one of my guys, you come to me, got it O’Rourke?” Kieran stepped between us, his eyes completely narrowed to slits.

“Yes, sir,” O’Rourke grumbled, the words barely audible as he turned away. He walked down the center aisle between the tables, and out the door.

“You okay?” Kieran turned to me, his head tilted. Gone was the bull dog he had been, and back was the golden retriever, andoppo,I had met when I arrived.

“A little nudge won’t bug me,” I said, lifting my chin.

I did not need Kieran, Guile, or anyone else to defend me. But I would appreciate his effort and friendship all the same. Even if he was, technically my superior.

We got through the line, and Kieran heaped food onto his plate like it was his last meal, as he talked on about how he was saving his pay to buy a motorcycle that summer. He talked about how this life was better than his life in the Army - he got paid better, went up the ranks on merit, and not education and time … I found his constant jabbering incredibly comforting. It was like a hum of a familiar song.

I could focus on Kieran, and not the strange, and silent, hissing chatter that was happening around me. The hushed whispers, and hostile glares. Maybe it was my imagination. Maybe I was paranoid.

But then the doors opened, and the murmuring stopped. My head popped up to see the Irish embodiment of Gemini striding through the door. Blond, proud and smiling, Dairo and Eoghan walked in wearing the same uniform as their soldiers - black from head to toe, the 4GF letters and green clover stitched over their left breast.

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