Page 16 of Hitch Me

Priya laughs and elbows me. "You know, with Geoffrey officially off the market, you're the only single Kingridge brother left."

"I'm in no hurry," I say, and mean it.

"Famous last words," Priya sings, then turns back to her filming. "Oh, this is perfect. Brynn Rose, can you try that pose again? The goats are being so photogenic."

Brynn Rose glances over and I think she’s just realized that we’re standing here. She obliges, attempting some kind of yoga position while three baby goats immediately use her as a climbing structure. She dissolves into laughter as Priya snaps away. Geoffrey catches Brynn when she tips over, goats still attached. Instead of helping her up right away, he holds her there and kisses her forehead.

"They're going to be insufferable, aren't they?" I ask Priya.

"Completely," she agrees cheerfully. "And we're going to love every minute of it."

Somewhere deep inside of me, a slight ache pings within me. It’d be nice to have someone light me up like that. I just don’t see it happening. All the women who come to the ranch are the same… Hell, all the women in Sagebrush Creek feel more like sisters than lovers.

I wonder if I am really going to be the only Kingridge brother without a partner. Hell, Pa’s had so many loves he’s lost count. They’re out here preparing for wild nights in the hay. Meanwhile I’m getting ready to entertain Priya’s sister… apparently.

CHAPTER 13

BOOTS AND BITCHING PODCAST

Hello,Sagebrush Creek. This is Brandi Rose, and for the first time in many years, I'm speaking to you in my own voice. This is the Boots and Bitching Podcast, final episode.

Today I have no filters and no disguises. I’m not hiding behind technology or clever pseudonyms. It’s just me, a local celebrity and media sweetheart, sitting in my living room at two in the morning.

I’m trying to figure out how to say goodbye to something that gave me purpose, but cost me everything that actually mattered.

I know most of you may have never figured out by now that I'm the voice behind Boots and Bitching. My daughter Brynn Rose made the decision for me just a week ago. When she hijacked this platform to tell you the truth I wasn’t ready to share myself.

Here’s my truth. She did what I should have done years ago. Brynn Rose chose love over fear, honesty over convenience, other people's wellbeing over her own comfort. I raised her to be better than me, and thank God, it worked.

I want to tell you how this started, because I think you deserve to understand how someone becomes the kind ofperson who feeds off other people's pain. A cautionary tale if you will. Let’s start with the fact that it doesn't happen overnight.

This personality happened one small compromise at a time. It came in one rationalization after another. Until I was so far from who I used to be that I didn’t recognize myself anymore. It could happen to any of you. So I’d get off your high horse and keep listening.

More than twenty-five years ago, I came back to this town pregnant and humiliated. I had nothing left of the dreams that had carried me through my childhood. I was supposed to be somebody special. I was supposed to matter. Instead, I was just another cautionary tale about small-town girls who reach too high and fall too hard.

For years, I told myself I was invisible. That people looked right through me because I wasn't worth seeing anymore. Here’s some tea for you sugar, them girls in the south are real mean. Nothing scarier than a Sarah or Hannah in their Sunday best. I convinced myself that being forgotten was worse than being hated. They drove me to understand that any attention was better than being nobody at all.

When I started the podcast, I told myself I was just sharing harmless gossip. Just giving people the entertainment they were already hungry for. I wasn't hurting anyone. I was just... observing. Reporting. Surely that wasn't so wrong.

But deep down I knew even back then that I was taking my power back. Harm doesn't require malicious intent. Pain doesn't care about your motivations. Power corrupts in ways you don't see until it's already changed you into someone you never meant to become.

I became addicted to being important. To having information others wanted. To the rush of knowing secrets and of being the one who decided what stayed private and whatbecame public entertainment. I told myself I was giving this town what it wanted, No one was going to dim my light. Not even a baby.

I’d like to think we had some good times too. That I gave you a front porch to come sit and chat on when you felt alone. But in that, I was taking your right to make mistakes without an audience.

My dear friend Patty June had no idea she was the informant. I coaxed information out of her she would never have shared if only she’d known. I’m sorry for that. And worst of all, I made my daughter complicit in my choices.

I put Brynn Rose in an impossible position where loving me meant enabling my cruelty. Protecting me meant sacrificing her own integrity… It’s unforgivable. But even as I say the words, I hope there will be a way for us to come back together. Eventually.

I know it starts with an apology to the entire Kingridge family. Y’all have given this community so much, jobs, support, opportunities, friendship, and yes, entertainment. You deserved better from me and from everyone who listened to my poison and asked for more.

To everyone whose secrets I shared, whose pain I profited from, whose private moments I turned into public spectacle: I'm sorry. I know that's not enough, but it's what I have to offer.

Some of you are wondering what happens to me now. Whether I'll disappear, leave town, or fade into the background I spent so long trying to escape. The truth is, I don't know. But for the first time in a long time, I’m going to sit back and take my time. I’m going to see where I can help.

What I do know is this… Boots and Bitching Podcast as you know it ends today. I'm deleting the podcast and removing all episodes. I’m shutting down every account associated with it. I want to try being a better mother. A better neighbor. Abetter person. I don’t know if change is possible for me. But I want to try. Not for attention, not for redemption points, not to rehabilitate my image. Just because I know trust is earned. This is my first step in the right direction.

Sagebrush Creek, you gave me a home when I needed one. I know you can’t see it, but I love this community. This is Brandi Rose, signing off for the last time. Thank you for listening, thank you for your patience, and thank you for the chance to finally tell you the truth.

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