Page 22 of A Man for the Holidays

“I did a bad thing, didn’t I?” I ask.

“It was an accident, Quinn. It wasn’t your fault.”

“But Spencer, he said it was stupid and foolish, that means it’s my fault.”

“He’s upset, but he’ll get over it. Now hold still.”

She carefully dabs at my burns, and I howl in pain. She quickly removes the bud from my skin and blows on it, then she repeats it again several times, each time a little more painful than the previous.

“How do you know to do this?” I ask.

“I’m a nurse,” she smiles.

She cleans the rest of my wounds, then slowly and carefully wraps a soft bandage around the burns on each palm, using a small metal clip so they stay securely in place.

“You’ll need to keep these on for a few days. You’re very lucky, Quinn; you could have seriously hurt yourself.”

She places her hand on my knee and gives me a warm smile before getting to her feet. She puts everything back in the cabinet, then standing over me as she asks, “Are you all right?”

I say nothing but lower my head and stare at the square tiles that line the floor of the bathroom, and I suddenly realize that I’m still only wearing a towel. I look up at Paige and tell her, “I think so. Maybe I should just go to bed.”

She nods, then turns and leaves.

I push myself off the toilet, I take in my appearance in the mirror and try to keep my hands as still as possible. I then lean against the bathroom door and use my elbow to move the lever down and open the door. When I step into the foyer, I find Spencer still speaking on his phone and Paige heading toward her room. He turns and looks at me, but then quickly turns back around and wanders into the kitchen. I quickly walk into my room and close the door behind me, then I struggle to remove the towel from around my waist, but somehow manage. I grab my boxer briefs and climb into them, awkwardly slide them up my thighs using only my wrists, and the task proves extremely difficult. But when I finally have them resting just below my hips, I take a seat on the edge of the bed.

I stare out into the darkness, something I do every night, I’m used to just staring at blank spaces. I look down at my hands and turn them over several times, looking at the bandages that cover them. I stand, making my way back over to the door and open it slightly, I look outside, but can’t find Spencer anywhere, so I open the door a little wider and step out into the foyer. I walk past his bedroom and find his door closed, so I press my cheek against it and knock.

“Spencer?” I call.

He doesn’t answer, so using my elbow once more, I lower the lever on the door and push it open. I see Spencer standing in the center of his room completely naked, his back toward me as I stare at his bare ass.

“Fuck, Quinn. Don’t you knock?” he suddenly gasps, noticing my reflection in the mirror. He reaches for his boxer briefs, and he places them in front of him, but keeps his back to me.

“I did, but you didn’t answer.”

“Probably because I’m busy getting dressed. Jesus, don’t you understand anything? There are things called boundaries Quinn.”

“Spencer; I––”

“I know. You’re sorry. But honestly Quinn; what would have happened if Paige didn’t come home when she did?”

He stops talking, then climbs into his boxer briefs and finally turns around to face me. My eyes immediately meet with his, then they slowly trail down his neck, shoulders, chest, abs, stomach and then at his thingy. Wow, this is certainly much better than the dreams and flashes I have of him in bed or in the shower, and certainly looks a lot different to the way I’ve been picturing him. He stands still then folds his arms across his chest and stares at me for several long minutes. I don’t know what to say, he’s upset and angry, and the last thing I want to do is say something that’s going to make him madder at me.

“Spencer; I’m really sorry. I just wanted to come home and make you dinner and say thank you for everything you’ve done for me by letting me stay here in your home.”

“Quinn, you just don’t understand. You don’t need to do anything to make things up to me, or to thank me. In fact, it’s probably better if you stop trying so hard. Tonight, it was the kitchen, but God only knows what it might be tomorrow. Jesus, I can’t believe you almost burnt this place to the ground, Quinn. You––you just don’t understand anything, do you? You know nothing about food, movies, television, music, relationships or sex. You’re just so completely helpless. How can anyone fall in love with you?”

I stand still and listen as he speaks, but his words clog my brain as I try and comprehend what he’s telling me.

“Maybe this whole wish or whatever the fuck it is, was a bad idea. I wanted someone who I could love, and someone who could understand me. But you can’t even understand the simplest things because you’re not even human Quinn. You’re just a mannequin in a clothing store, and maybe that’s where you need to belong instead of here with me. I should have just kept you as a fantasy, nothing more.”

He turns around and faces the mirror once more but says nothing. I notice his eyes move from me to something else in the room and then I hear him say, “Just go away, Quinn.”

Doing as he asked, I turn around, making my way toward the door opening it and walking through it. I then wander down the hall to my room and close the door. I sit down on the bed, once again staring out into the silence that has completely blanketed the entire room. My body feels… different, something I’ve never felt before, its pain, but not the same as the one in my hands, it’s a different kind of pain, one that I can’t explain. It’s in the pit of my stomach, and as I inhale a deep breath in, then exhale, it continues to travel through my entire body. I feel as though the happiness has been sucked completely out of me, and there is nothing around me anymore, almost like I’ve lost the desire to live. My eyes hurt, and when I place the edge of my fingertips against my eyes, they feel wet. I stand up and walk over to the mirror and see that there is water in my eyes and running down my cheek, and it’s not something I’ve ever seen before.

Several minutes later, the pain continues to consume my entire body, as I slowly make my way toward the bed. I sit down, let out a loud and painful sigh as I slide beneath the covers. I roll to my side, pull the duvet over me as best I can, then stare at the digital clock display on my nightstand just as it switches over to midnight and my eyes close.

“Don’t you think you were a little too hard on the guy?” Paige asks.

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