Page 54 of Shadows of Eternity

“You, too,” Leia said, laughing as she heard Mark and Mike arguing over who the cat liked best. And then she sobered. If she stayed with Rohan, she would never hear the sound of her own children giggling or fighting, never tuck them into bed at night, or listen to their prayers.

They left for San Diego late Thursday morning. Because Rohan felt like driving, they took the Challenger. She had to admit, flying down the freeway was exciting.

“Aren’t you afraid of getting a ticket?” she asked as the speedometer hovered near eighty.

He shrugged. “There isn’t much traffic. I’ll slow down if it gets heavy.”

It was a beautiful day, the sky a bright blue, the air clear for a change. Soft rock came over the radio. “Does it ever bother you that you can’t have children?”

Rohan slid a glance in Leia’s direction. “What brought that up?”

She shrugged. “I was talking to Janae yesterday, and I heard her boys fighting, and … ” Her voice trailed off.

“And it reminded you that if you stayed with me, you’d never have kids.”

She nodded.

“It bothered me when I was first turned,” he said. “But I had other things to worry about at the time, things like surviving and finding a safe place to rest during the day, and how to avoid detection by hunters. There were a lot more vampires back then, and a lot more hunters.”

“Sounds scary.”

Rohan made a dismissive gesture. “I had some hairy moments in the beginning.” But she wasn’t thinking about vampires or hunters. She was imagining a future without children. He had told her he loved her, she had admitted she loved him, but they hadn’t made any commitments to each other. Everything had happened so quickly between them, perhaps too quickly, at least for her. He knew what he wanted. After three hundred years, he had been everywhere he wanted to go, seen everything of interest, done everything he wanted to do,and finally found a woman he adored. But Leia was still young, with her whole life ahead of her.

He slid another glance in her direction. Perhaps she wasn’t ready to settle down with someone like him, a man who owned nothing but a car, tended to sleep most days until the sun went down, couldn’t share a meal with her, or give her children. Perhaps he’d been a fool to think loving him would be enough for her, or for any woman who wanted a normal life with a normal man. What right did he have to ask her to give all that up?

Leia felt Rohan watching her. She didn’t have to be a mind reader to know what he was thinking. She was pretty sure she was thinking the same things herself. Maybe they needed to slow down a little, wait until the newness wore off their relationship to see if what she felt for him was strong enough to last.

Leia bit down on her lower lip as she felt an invisible gulf open between them. He was reading her mind, she thought bleakly. He knew she was again having second thoughts about their relationship. Maybe she should have stayed home. It was hard to think when he was so near, when she ached to be in his arms. She loved him desperately, she thought, but was sheinlove with him? In love enough to give up her dreams of a home and children? To live with a man who could never share her whole life, as she could never share his? He had told her once that she would have to make changes if she stayed with him. At the time, she had wondered what he meant. Now she knew.

Rohan was watching her, his face impassive. “I can take you back, if that’s what you want.”

She turned away so he couldn’t see the tears in her eyes.

“Leia?”

She shook her head.

“If you change your mind, just say the word.”

As usual, Rohan had reservations in the best room in the best hotel in town. Once they were settled in, he said, “I have to go rehearse with the troupe for an hour or two. Will you be all right?”

She wondered if he really had to rehearse or if he just wanted to get away from her for a while. “Don’t worry about me,” she said brightly. “I’ll be all right.”

“I won’t be needing the car,” he said, handing her the keys to the Dodge.

“Thank you.” Warmth engulfed her as his fingers brushed hers. “I do love you, you know.”

“I know.” He drew her into his arms. “I wouldn’t go if I didn’t have to.” He brushed a kiss across her lips. “I’ll be back as soon as I can.” He kissed her again, and then he was gone.

Leia blew out a sigh, wondering if she would ever get used to his just disappearing like the wind. Wondering if falling in love was always so complicated. She’d had little experience with men. After graduating from high school, she had been so busy working, studying, and attending college she hadn’t had much time for a social life. The few men she had dated seemed shallow and she hadn’t gone out with any of them more than once or twice, except for Jeff. And even that hadn’t lasted.

Staring at the keys in her hand, she thought finding time to go see her folks sounded like a prime idea. Maybe she would do just that when she returned home. Although her parents didn’t live that far away, it was too far to just run over and say hello.

Since she wasn’t in the mood to go anywhere or do anything, Leia kicked off her shoes and turned on the TV. She was half-way through the first episode of a new series on Netflixwhen her stomach growled. Hitting pause, she called room service and ordered a cheeseburger, fries, and a chocolate malt for lunch.

After lunch, she started to watch TV again, and then frowned. Why was she sitting in a hotel room when she could be down at the pool, or shopping, or just driving around enjoying the fresh air?

She switched off the TV, grabbed the keys and her handbag, and left the hotel, trying to decide what to do first.

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