Page 87 of His Atonement

"Originally, I was going to be cremated. I wanted part of my ashes buried with my parents, part with Gramps and Granny and the rest scattered somewhere meaningful, but… " Another hard bite to my lip as I battle my tears. "But that means I'd be in Ohio and California, and maybe it sounds stupid, but I don't want to be that far from you even then."

A sad smile graces his lips as Zan lifts a hand and cups my cheek. "Then you shall not be." His thumb caresses back and forth under my eye. "Demons do not have customs or rituals pertaining to our… we do not remember those we lose. When a demon dies, they are immediately sent to The End for eternal damnation because of the sins committed and a failure to perform their job which resulted in their death. Some are resurrected as monstrous creatures for The Caster of Shadows’ entertainment and are like the living dead, the worst kind of demons to ever walk the earth, but most suffer in The End and are simply forgotten. Demons do not view death the same as other species because it is a very normal part of daily life and we have no soul to care for or value afterward."

Except Zan.

My beautiful mate is nothing like that, not now. He's not like other demons because he is capable of love, deep and meaningful love, love that can only come from having a soul.

He's only referenced it once, but even if Zan hadn't told me about his soul—when it was born and what happened to it after—I'd know he had one because you can't love the way he does without one.

"Fae, on the other hand...” He sighs and trails a finger down my neck. "Fae being the essential gods of nature they were, believed that one’s body should be returned to the earth in its entirety. They believed that in doing so, one was able to become one with the universe in its vast completion. The body returns to the earth from whence it came in order to continue living through others; the spirit lives in every living thing to bring reassurance to those it leaves behind and the soul resides in The After for all time, becomes what many refer to asangelsto watch over and protect the world they love from afar. The ceremony involved is simple though meaningful, quite beautiful and if it is alright with you, my darling mate, that is what I wish for you when the time comes."

I nod as a few tears roll down my cheeks. "I'd like that very much."

"Then it is settled. I shall execute each task with the utmost love and precision exactly as you have requested and make sure that you have a proper fae ceremony so that you remain as close to me and those you love as possible."

"Thank you, baby." I give him a watery kiss, then do it again and again.

I really have made peace with dying, I just don't think I'll ever make peace with leaving Zan.

Nothing will ever make that ok.

I sigh and rest my forehead against his. "We don't have time for a bath."

“No." Zan chuckles, then that sardonic grin spreads against his cheeks. "We do have time, however, for me to bend you over this island and fuck the sour mood out of both of us.” His fingers slip under my shirt and travel toward my breasts. "AquickieI believe is what it is called."

I laugh as I get to my feet and pop the button on my jeans. "Yep, but there is one problem with that."

Zan lifts a brow as he pushes the denim down over my hips.

"Despite the ability to bring me to orgasm at record speeds, nothing about what we do is quick. It's just so damn good it's hard to stop."

With a smile more beautiful than I can take, he stands, drops his shorts and turns me around. "Perhaps it is our addictive personalities. Only a little of a good thing isn't nearly enough."

There have never been truer words spoken.

A little of a good thing isn't really ever enough, but especially when that good thing is a six-foot-eight demon who loves me like I'm his forever and doesn't stop just because forever isn't that long.

Zan is my addiction, my happy ending, my heart and soul. He’s my everything and despite how short it may be, he will be all of those things for the rest of my life. Here's hoping we don't need some custom made coffin for the two of us, because honestly, roles reversed, we definitely would.

Do It Up Right

Thirteen days later. October 1st.

It's amazing to me the way a female can hold so much control over even the smallest details in one’s life.

And yes, that can absolutely be attributed to loving one, and the way your heart changes, the way your thought process alters, the way nothing is about just you anymore because of the intense love one can have for the right female. You start thinking about them in every aspect of your life, how your decisions will affect them, how your choices are no longer made for one, but for two.

It can be something as simple as deciding to sleep on the left side of the bed instead of the right. Picking up your dirty clothes instead of leaving them on the floor. Actually wearing clothes at all, or at the very least, wearing underwear when company comes over. Making sure there are multiple containers of coffee creamer in the fridge instead of winging it with possibly spoiled milk. Buying the bigger bottle of lube to make sure it's on hand instead of using saliva when you're out, even though it is a great alternative.

It's slightly bigger things as well, though.

Does it please her that I've kept the pink mohawk?

Does she mind that I prefer sleeping on my side so I can spoon her through the night?

Is she ok with the way I've turned our home into a shrine to her, littered every surface with photos of her, of us, together?

Does it bother her that our bedroom is essentially an ode to her body, a chamber of passion and sex toys that carries the constant scent of our love?

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