Page 100 of The Pairing

I sigh and pinch the bridge of my nose.

“Why. . .why would you lie to me about all of that?”

“Because I wanted you to think I had my shit together!” Theo says miserably. “I wanted you to think I’d grown. I wanted you to see me for the first time in four years and be amazed.”

“That would have happened no matter what.”

They roll their eyes spectacularly. “Whatever. I couldn’t have you pity me, and I still can’t, so just—please don’t look at me like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like you think I could do better,” Theo says. “That’s how Sloane looked at me too.”

“Sloane? Did she—is that why she sent the wine?”

“I tried to talk to her about it, and she sort of laid into me about, you know. My nepo-baby complex.”

I frown. “Your. . .?”

“She tried to give me money. Called it aninvestment,like it’s not charity. And when I said no, she went off about how I make my life harder on purpose just to prove a point.”

“Ah. And when was this?”

“In Nice. After I left you with Apolline.”

The pieces of the past few days begin to rearrange themselves.

“So, when we got to Monaco, you were. . .?”

“In full self-destruct, yeah.”

I pull myself off the floor and sit on the foot of the bed. Is that all this has been to them, with me? Self-destruction?

I don’t know what difference it would make if it was. Does it matter if Theo is fucking me to destroy themself, if I’m destroyingmyself to fuck Theo?

I push my fingers through my hair and concentrate.

“How do you feel now?”

Theo answers after a long pause, their voice quiet but firm.

“I cannot build a life on being a Flowerday. I want to build a life on being Theo.”

“Then don’t use the family name,” I say. “Or the connections, or the favors—you never needed any of that to be great.” I choose my next words carefully. “But, Theo. . .maybe you should consider taking the money.”

Theo fixes me with a hard look. “You’d take it, wouldn’t you?”

“I would. And then I’d make it mean something.”

“That’s the problem,” Theo insists. “I won’t do anything great with it. I’d take Sloane’s money and blow it, and that would always be between us. I can’t risk that. She’s my best friend, and I can’t—I can’t—”

The unfinished sentence hangs in the air between us:I can’t lose another best friend.

“You don’t know that’s what would happen, Theo.”

“Precedent says otherwise,” Theo replies. “I want to do all these things on my own, and I—I just can’t. It was stupid to think I could.”

“Then use the money to hire someone to help you.”

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