Page 118 of Defiant Beta

Please and no thank you.

In the shower, as hot water pelts my skin from the rainforest showerhead, my mind wanders to how tender Levi was and how he made me feel so wanted.

It was all a lie. I was just too blind to see it.

A tear rolls down my cheek. I wipe it away and lift my head, hoping the water will erase all evidence of my pain.

Sniffling back more tears, I grab the washcloth and scrub myself clean, muttering under my breath, “Just forget it, Della. He already has.”

Still feeling dirty, I flick off the water and quickly dry myself.

And I stop.

“Pity sex,” I mutter as the thought snakes itself into my mind, tainting everything good from last night. “That’s all it was. That’s allIwas.”

Nothing more.

I dress in sweats and a T-shirt before heading downstairs.

Levi and Xavier sit in the living room, the TV blaring as they sip whiskey from crystal tumblers on the couch.

It’s a bit early for whiskey, but I guess last night was that fucking terrible for Levi that he needs to wash all memories of it away with a large serving of liquor.

No part of me wants to walk into that room, but the old Della would never shy away from something that hurt her. She shows no fear. Since I’m trying to be her again, I stiffen my spine, hide my pain, and walk inside.

Both turn to face me as I step into the room. Levi is still wearing the same gray sweats and black T-shirt from last night. Seeing him hurts, so I focus on Xavier.

“Hey, Della.” Xavier smiles.

If Levi is smiling, I have no clue.

They must have been talking about me, cranking the TV up loud so I wouldn’t hear them laughing at me.

I can sit next to Levi on the couch or in the armchair across the room. It's a no-brainer.

Out of the corner of my eye, Levi is smiling as he says, “Della. You can sit?—”

“No thanks,” I say coolly, walking past him to take the seat in the armchair. “Were you talking about the investigation?”

Xavier mutes the television. “Kind of.”

Laughing at me then. That’s okay, I know how to pretend.

I cross my legs and try to look indifferent. “I think we should focus on Mr.—”

Xavier sets his glass down on the coffee table. “That isn’t what we were talking about. We were talking about you.”

Levi gives him a warning look, clearly trying to shut him up.

My smile is brittle as I gesture for them to continue. “By all means, don’t stop on my account. I’d like to know what you thought.”

Was I shit in bed or so boring that Levi has already forgotten what I look like naked?

Xavier shifts his gaze between us, then rises to his feet. “I need a hand with something, Della. Do you mind?”

I frown at him. “What is it?”

He scratches his beard. “This thing. It’s itchy as fuck and it’s time I got rid of it. It’s served its purpose.”