Page 91 of Keep It

“Don’t tell me you believe the bullshit that’s being spread about me.”

“You’re saying it’s not true?” Maybe when I first heard the news, I needed to know whether it was real or not. Whether I could believe that my father would be capable of something like this. But now, I don’t even need to ask. I know it’s true. I know the man in front of me like a nightmare I can’t forget. There is no doubt in my mind he’s the monster everyone says he is. He’s been that same monster for my entire life.

“Of course it’s not true. She has some real problems, that one, I tell you. I just wanted to help her, give her some friendly career advice. The whole thing has been blown well out of proportion.”

My fingers curl in my hand, disgusted at the filth pouring out of his mouth.

“I need you to leave.”

“Last I checked, this was my daughter’s house, not yours.”

“She doesn’t want you here. I don’t want you here.”

“You are so ungrateful, Daniel. It’s not like you haven’t done exactly what I have. Your pretty little assistant will turn around one day and do the exact same thing to you.”

My blood turns to ice in my veins. The paralyzing fear that made me walk out of Anya’s life. That I would be just like my father…

I pursued her, once I’d been with her once, I didn’t give up. Was I too pushy? Did I come on too strong?

I remember the way she laughed at me on our first date, the way she would run her fingers through my hair and stand up for me even when there would be consequences for her, the way she would stress clean like she was covering up a crime scene and force her aunt’s guitar into my arms. I felt her love in every action. I didn’t even need the words. I didn’t need her to tell me that what we had was real. I felt it every day.

I raise my head to look down into my fathers eyes. His face is blotchy with anger and his suit jacket rumpled.

“I’m not anything like you.” My words don’t wobble. They don’t waver. With each word I aim at the man that has controlled me for my entire life, I feel myself grow taller. “I never have been and I never will. I will never threaten. I will never be cruel. I will never be anything like you. I’m ashamed to call you my father. And I never will again.”

His eyes twitch and he sucks in a deep breath. Before he can say a final word I usher him backwards until he has no choice left to stand on the front door step, the LA sun streaming through the doorway, bathing him in shadow and me in warmth.

“Who do you think you are?” he splutters, “I can ruin you.”

I laugh. “There’s nothing you could do to me that is worse than what you’ve done to yourself. Have a nice life. Whatever’s left of it.”

I close the door in his face. It crosses my mind to collapse against the wood but I don’t need the support. My own two feet have got me.

I brush my hand across my face and choke on a laugh. I want to tell Anya. I want to tell her that I stood up to him, that I cut him out of my life. For good.

But I’ve already cut her out too.

Chapter 41

DANNY

It’s been a week since I left Anya behind and I still wake up expecting her to be there. It takes a second each morning for reality to sink in and for me to remember what happened, what I did. All my stuff has remained in my suitcase, as if my stay here is a temporary break from my real life back in Europe.

Today, I finally run out of boxers and rummage through my chaotic suitcase. My fingers brush against the little blue notebook. I sit on the bed and let the paper flick between fragments of songs and half finished thoughts.

It’s almost obvious when I started falling for Anya, the lyrics transforming from angry, harsh words to soliloquies formed with love. I never told her, but I felt it, showed it in the words I scrawled across the page whilst she slept against my chest or pottered around my trailer.

The front door opening downstairs disturbs me from my memories. I stand and finish getting dressed, shoving the notebook in my pocket.

Downstairs, Cassie leans against the kitchen counter with Pip.

“Hey,” I say, reaching for a hug. “What are you doing here?”

“Came to check on you guys. How you doing?”

I glance at Pip. We’ve spent all our time inside, barely even stepping outside for fear of a camera or drone getting any footage.

“Getting there,” I say.

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