Page 84 of Keep It

We say our goodbyes with a promise to let her know when I’m on the train. I turn away from the river continuing my stroll until I end up in the Marais.

I buy a crépe from a stall but can only manage a few bites before I feel sick and throw it away.

It’s only later when I sit at a cafe with the bags of gifts I’ve bought my mum and Rosie that I let myself think of Danny again. I don’t know what sent him fleeing my apartment, what got him to clam up so much that he was almost unrecognizable from the funny, charming man I’ve come to know.

I glance at my phone again. Still nothing. I click into the message thread but see my message is still on read.

My blood pounds in my ears as I pull up Pip’s name, but I don’t know what to say. ‘Hey your brother is being weird right when I think our relationship might be ending.’ Way to sound like a loser. Maybe he’s just decided to end this now, before it gets complicated? Something has to have happened to trigger this, I know it. We went to sleep last night tangled in each other’s arms after a night of laughter and fun. What happened between last night and this morning?

Downing my coffee and regretting the fact that it’s not Irish, I gather my belongings and place my expensive sunglasses over my eyes.

At my building, I stumble up the stairs, my feet heavy from a day of walking away from my problems. I rummage in my bag for my key and finally look up. Danny’s sat outside my door. As he unfurls his long legs, he leans against the door frame, as if exhaustion has taken the energy from his limbs.

I gesture for him to move aside and open the door. We say nothing but I can’t help from leaning slightly into his warmth, savoring what I already know is the last time I’ll be able to do it.

I ignore him as I place my bags on the side table, fidgeting with the paper bags to avoid looking at him.

“I brought wine.” Danny pulls my attention and waves the bottle in his hand. The same one we shared on the bank of the Seine.

“I’ll get the glasses.” There’s no need to drink from the bottle now.

Chapter 36

DANNY

Sat on Anya’s cream couch, I can hardly pull my eyes from her. She looks sad, resigned. I’ve spent my day frantically refreshing every news and social media site, so I know the news hasn’t dropped yet. But she knows. She knows something has happened, something bad. I wonder if I’ll ever meet another person who understands me so completely ever again.

“Are you ready?” she asks. Ready for me to tell her what has caused me to go off grid. I see her steel herself, her beautiful shoulders straightening.

“I had a call this morning from Travis.” I take a sip of wine, the tender stem of the glass fragile in my hand. “There’s going to be a story, and it’s probably about my father.”

She nods. “What kind of story?”

I wince and take another sip. The story tumbles out of me, the fragments of information I’ve been given.

Anya pales. “Did you know?”

I rear back in shock. It feels like she’s punched me in the gut. I rest my head in my hands, the heel of my palm finding moisture on my eyelashes.

“I’m–I didn’t mean.” She shifts closer, her small palm resting on my back.

“It’s okay,” I sniff, straightening. “No. I didn’t know.” I release my breath slowly, hoping my anger eases from my chest. “I— I knew he would cheat on my mother. There was a cycle. He would be off on a long job and then when he’d come back there’d be a huge row and she would pack up and go on a yoga retreat or a spa trip. This time it’s an upscale rehab,” I scoff. “But I didn’t know he would dothis.”

Anya’s hand rubs my back, and I resist the urge to bend towards her like a flower searching for the warmth of the sun.

I turn to her, her brown hair tumbling past her shoulders and her eyes bright. “I think,” I croak. “I think a part of me knew what kind of man he is. I mean I know what he is like with me. I just… I don’t know, it feels naive to think that I didn’t know when he was always–” I cut off and push my hand through my hair, tugging at the strands as if it will pull my jumbled thoughts together.

Anya moves her hand to smooth down my hair.

My jaw clenches, forcing the words out. “The fact that it’s out, and everyone knows what kind of person he is and that my parent’s marriage is a complete sham…” I glance at her big eyes, shining at me, and spill the words that have been burning me from the inside out. “It feels like a weight has been lifted.”

“I understand,” she says, her thumb resting on my tight jaw smoothing the ache.

“Isn’t that awful?” I whisper.

“It’s not awful.” Her hand cups my jaw. “He’s an abuser, he’s emotionally tormented you for years. I’m sorry that he’s hurt someone else, but it’s not on you.”

I know I shouldn’t but I can’t stop myself. I kiss her, the feel of her lips under mine the only thing my mind can comprehend.

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