Page 25 of It's Love I'm After

“I’m not a child, so?—”

“You better watch your tone before you are sitting at home with your son instead of chasing behind some strange man you just met. I don’t know where I went wrong with you, but you really need to make better choices. When are you gonna get tired of being some man’s cum bucket? You ain’t tired of having sex with no rewards yet?”

Tears slip from my eyes faster than I’m able to stop them, causing me to quickly turn my head so Mom doesn’t see the effect her words are causing. Growing up, I have paid the price for the man Mom didn’t know fathered me, and it hurts me to catch her unmerited wrath. The only good thing about how bad Mom treats me is that Caleb never gets any of her anger, disappointment, judgment, or any other negative thing she constantly gives to me.

“Are you done with the grits, Grandma? My stomach is about to fall out,” Caleb asks, causing me to wipe my face so I don’t alarm him.

“Almost done, sweet face. Do you want sausage or bacon?” Mom says, causing me to roll my eyes at her rapid code-switching now that she’s talking to Caleb.

“Can you actually put everything in containers? We have another stop to make.” I interject before Caleb has a chance to respond.

My need to escape is heavy, and I have to get out of here. I’m going to go by Nana’s to ask her about keeping Caleb for the weekend, because dealing with Mom won’t be the reason my weekend is ruined.

“I know that’s your mom, but you don’t have to take her shit, Chaniya. You fucked like life was golden, or whatever the Philly native sings about, and got pregnant. It’s not the worst thing you could or can do to destroy your life,” Riele rants.

“On top of that, the sin was in your act, not the precious life that came as a result. Tell Vernise’s ass to worry more about her wig selections on Temu than who you choose to bust it wide open for. She gets on my damn nerves,” Isis adds.

“Not too much on my?—”

“I wish you would defend Vernise after spending the last hour sobbing like your new man sent you packing after giving you spine-numbing orgasms.” Riele interjects, and I clamp my mouth shut because she’s got a good point.

While Mom likes to use me as a verbal punching bag, Nana doesn’t play about me. After failing to pry why I entered her house with red eyes, Nana told me to go home and sleep it off.She also told me that Caleb was staying with her to give me an extra day to get myself together.

“I think what’s bothering me the most is that Mom acts like her life has given me a blueprint for changing our family’s narrative.”

“We’ve known since we were kids that Vernise O’Neal is unhappy and thrives on trying to push her energy into your body however she can. At some point, you’ve got to either shit or get off the pot, bestie,” Riele says.

“I just want her to stop holding it against me when I do enough of it myself. I no longer drink heavily and limit myself to one or two drinks if I indulge at all. Being a responsible parent also means I only occasionally partake in edibles. I’m doing what I can so Caleb doesn’t suffer from my decisions, but when will Mom stop nailing me to a cross for them? It’s exhausting and painful when Mom only focuses on that one mistake. I’m tired of the constant ridicule,” I say.

A stabbing feeling spreads across my chest, which causes me to rub circles in the area to relieve the ache. My bottom lip trembles when the urge to cry hits me, and I close my eyes to prevent the water glistening from falling.

“Then do something about it. You don’t have to entertain or engage with her simply because she’s your mother. Roaches give birth, but that doesn’t make them mothers.” Riele interjects.

Laughter escapes my mouth at Riele’s last statement because she doesn’t care what she says.

“You’re stupid, Riele. You didn’t tell a single lie, but you're still stupid.” Isis co-signs, laughing.

Buzzing in my ear has me pulling my phone away to see Germayne’s name and an incoming text that increases my pulse. Placing the call on speaker, I open my message app to read the text from my man.

Germayne:I just wanted you to know that you’ve been on my mind all day.

“I gotta go,” I say, cutting off whatever Riele was saying because I need to call my man.

“Later,” Isis says.

“Well damn. Bye,” Riele snaps.

Without another word, I disconnect the call, dialing Germayne’s number, desperate to hear his voice.

“I expected a text, but this is much better. Hello, Chaniya.”

“I’m gonna text you my address. Come over. I need to see you,” I say breathlessly.

A low chuckle reverberates through the line, sending an electric jolt straight to my lower region before Germayne replies.

“Nah. We ain’t confusing little man. We’ll be together all weekend. You can?—”

“He’s not here. Please, come over.” The whine in my voice can’t be helped because of my warring emotions and the need to be in my man’s arms.

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