Page 133 of Spindrift

“Thereis nothing wrong with you, Morgan.”

Herex searched her eyes, and it occurred to her that Kate had no reason to lie now.They were no longer partners. They were no longer even friends, and whileKate’s face was full of compassion, her own heart did not ache at thetenderness in those eyes. She’d moved on. So had Kate. And if there really wasnothing wrong with her, if the only thing keeping her away from Emilia was herown fear, then—

“I’ma fucking idiot,” she said to a very confused Kate. “Sorry. It was good to seeyou.”

“Morgan?”

“Ihave to go.” Abandoning her cart, she cut through the lines of people jostlingaround the cash registers and out into the parking lot. Early Septembersunshine blinded her as she jogged to her truck.

Emiliawas still here, and she could either be a coward for the rest of her life orbeg the woman she loved to forgive her for running.

Shepunched the accelerator as she hit the main road, cursing the slow drivers infront of her. Emilia probably wouldn’t vanish between now and when Morgan gotto her house, but the depth of her own idiocy spurred her on. She couldn’t bearto let another minute pass.

Emilia’scar wasn’t in her driveway. Panic closed around her throat as she stared at thelog house.

“Breathe,”she told herself. She could wait here. Emilia would be back eventually.

Theseconds ticked by. A dog’s face appeared in the window, then vanished. Nell, atleast, was home. She drummed her fingers on the steering wheel.

Thedock. Putting thetruck in reverse, she sped toward the harbor, spraying gravel, and slowed downto some semblance of the speed limit only when she left the back roads and hittraffic.

Emilia’scar sat by an empty spot. Morgan pulled in, hardly daring to breathe, andstared at the water. No sailboat. She was out there then, enjoying theperfect—why hadn’t she appreciated how perfect it was?—evening. Waiting in thetruck felt stifling. She walked down to the dock and debated whether or not totake her own boat out to look for her. Only the chances of missing her entirelystopped her from rowing to her mooring. Instead, she paced the dock until shefelt stupid, and then sat with her feet in the cold water until a familiar sailturned into the cove. Abruptly, she realized she had no idea what to say toEmilia. Panic tightened its grip. As the sailboat grew larger, however, and thesetting sun glinted off a pair of sunglasses she recognized, the panic vanished.It didn’t matter. Emilia was here.

Emiliaraised a hand to her eyes as she tacked across the cove. Morgan wondered ifshe’d recognized her yet, or if she’d turn back out to sea once she did. Theboat kept coming. Emilia turned it into the wind and caught the mooring in apracticed maneuver she’d clearly perfected over the summer. Morgan thoughtabout diving in and swimming straight out to the boat, but that felt too muchlike cornering her. She’d walked out, and now she had to let Emilia come toher.

Not,of course, that she was going to do anything so chivalrous as leave the dock.If Emilia wanted to escape her that badly she would have to find a differentport.

Shewatched Emilia coil the lines and furl the sails with excruciating slowness.Was she avoiding her, or did it always take this long and Morgan had just nevernoticed? She chafed at the distance. After a geological era, Emilia at last gotinto her skiff and began to row. Morgan counted the strokes.One, two,seven, thirty-seven.Emilia’s back was to her, concealing her expressioncompletely.

Morgancaught the bow as Emilia pulled hard on the right oar and slid into the dock.Her tongue had glued itself to the roof of her mouth, making it difficult toswallow and impossible to talk. Emilia stowed her oars without meeting Morgan’seye, and the moment stretched, time turning to taffy as Morgan’s hopes—andorgans—twisted. When Emilia at last looked up, her sunglasses shielded her eyesand the rest of her face gave nothing away.

I’velost her, Morganthought, but she held out her hand anyway, and forced her tongue to rememberits duty.

“I’man idiot.”

“Yes,”said Emilia as she took her hand and allowed Morgan to pull her onto the dock.“You are.”

Standingthis close to Emilia without reaching for her physically pained her. “I thoughtI was doing the right thing. I didn’t want . . . I didn’t want to complicateyour life.”

“AndI already told you that wasn’t your decision to make.”

“Iknow.”

Emiliapulled her hand out of Morgan’s. “Do you? Because I can’t be with someone whodoesn’t trust me.”

“That’snot—”

“Itis, Morgan. If you don’t trust me to make my own choices, how can I trust youto respect them, or me?”

“Irespect you.”

“Thenprove it.” Emilia’s mouth, normally soft and full, hardened into a thin line.

“Itrust you.” Morgan could see her own reflection in the sunglasses: desperate;lost. It was time to tell Emilia the truth. She met her own eyes in the glassand said, “I didn’t trust myself.”

Emilia’smouth softened as she waited for Morgan to continue.

“Withyou, I feel—” She broke off as she searched for the right words, failed to findthem, and stumbled on. “I feel right. I didn’t think I would ever feel that wayagain after Kate. But you were going to leave. I knew that. I reminded myself everyday.”

---