Page 10 of Burning Souls

As I listen to those words in my head over and over at night, the more I’m sure she won’t be coming home, or I get this sick feeling she is no longer in this world. My heart hurts and feels a little emptier than usual.

It’s late, and I should be asleep. We have one rule in this house: kids are asleep by seven, but I’m wide awake, hoping my mother appears through my bedroom door. I can’t sleep because the noise of the children's trick-or-treating keeps me awake.

Today is Halloween. Normally, we go out and dress up with Mummy, but not today. Daddy hasn’t even tried to ask if we want to.

I hear voices downstairs. Men’s voices, a lot of men’s voices. Are my father’s work colleagues here, or his mates? I slide out of bed, putting on my slippers. I go to sit on the top stair and creep around the corner. We have a nice house and I’m grateful for it.Seven men stand in the living room, all in a circle, and creepy music plays.

The men move to the side as a woman is on her knees, her hands tied together, blindfolded.

My father removes the blindfold, throwing it to the floor. He backs away into the crowd. He looks sad, and his eyes fill with fury, like he’s ready to set fire to the house. He steps forward again, standing in front of the woman. Moving to the side, I see it’s my mother. She has two black eyes, and her eyebrows are both split and bloody. I cover my mouth with my hands, choking on the tears.

Today I'm living in a real nightmare.

Her eyes look at me as I peek around the corner, she gives me a warning look to stay quiet, and I do what she commands while trying to control my emotions. Tears form at the back of my eyes, waiting to spill. I’m not sure I would make it out alive if I were caught. They might let my mother go. I think for a second, but I don’t know whether it would save my mother or get us both killed. I can’t leave my sisters. That wouldn’t be fair.

One man comes in front of her, slapping her across the face, leaving her with an imprint, just as I have.

“One” slap. The sound vibrates through my body, giving me chills. “Two” slap. Her face is bright red from how harsh these men are, but that doesn’t stop them from slapping her another five times. By the end, she has a waterfall of tears falling from her face. I cry in silence at the top of the stairs while these men beat my mother up.

My father comes to kneel in front of my mother, drawing a cross on her forehead as she cries. He holds a necklace with a cross, waving it over either of her shoulders. He does it three times, kissing her forehead again. Putting it down, he goes to speak, clearing his throat before he does.

“You chose them over what we believe in. I’m sorry, but I have no other choice.I love you. Sweet dreams…” My father takes a rock to her head, hitting her over and over. She falls face first, her hands still tied. She’s covered in blood, and so is our cream rug.

The monster has come to the services, and I'm not making it out alive.

My mind goes back to the night she came to my room with the doll. She left me a letter. I move slowly, making sure I don’t make any noise as I go back to my room.

Closing my door quietly so no one knows I’m awake, I go through my drawers until I hold the letter in my hands; I open it, taking a minute. I don’t know what this is going to say, but I’m so scared.

I'm sittingin bed watching your father sleep while I write this. Ash, if you are reading this, then I’m no longer on this earth. He caught me. I’m sorry I couldn’t be the mum you wanted me to be and I couldn’t keep you safe. Just know I tried so hard to fight for you and your sisters. I gave you this letter because you are brave enough to take this in.

Your father is a bad person. He had a choice.

He sacrificed me because I wanted to leave. You won’t be safe.

Those men you see come round to see your daddy; they are not his friends.

They are powerful and wanted us to sell you and your sisters to them for a lot of money, but I refused.

Please forgive me, sweetheart.

Remember when I took you to the park one day after school?

It was December and it was snowing, and you asked if we could make a snowman. So, I went to the park and spent hours building the biggest snowman. The next day, it melted, but it was worth it to see the way your face lit up.

Or when I let you play on the swings, and you begged me to let you go higher. “Mummy, higher, higher.” You shouted with a huge smile, and I did, but you got scared, and I had to hold you in my arms all night so you knew you were safe. Please remember those parts of me, not the parts where I was drunk and couldn’t get off the couch, or the time me and your father were shouting and screaming at each other.

You and your sisters shouldn’t have had to see that, and I’m sorry.

Please look after your sisters for me, keep them safe. Don’t let anyone take control. Please, Ash, don’t let them win. You are stronger than me, I know it. You have a gift, remember to use it.

I know you must be scared, upset, and angry right now, but remember, I will always be with you. Keep going to school, grow up, and be an amazing woman your mother can be proud of. Stay away from bad boys and keep out of trouble.

Ash, I hope you got this far in the letter. I had to write the first bit because I knew your father wouldn’t be able to read it all—or so I hope.

By now, you would have heard the news of my death, and I’m sorry, but listen carefully. I had no choice. They wanted to take you, and I would not let that happen. Promise me you will get out when you get to an age where you can, please, run away.

When those men come into your room at night, be quiet, close your eyes, and think of me, all the fun we had, and when he’s gone, hug the doll and remember me. I didn’t want to go.

---