Page 16 of Burning Souls

If there is one thing I have learned, it is that men take what they want, no matter the consequences.

I layon the bed in the same position as before. I’m sore, weak, and unable to move.

The door opens, but I don't flinch. Someone sits on the bed rubbing my back. A voice vaguely speaks.

My mind is numb. I can't tell how long I have been lying here, but I'm in so much pain, my stomach feels like I'm getting punched over and over.

I don't have to move to know that.

I want to die; I don't want to be alive—that’s the only thing circling my mind at this very moment.

“This may hurt. I’m sorry. Let me get you cleaned up.” All I hear is a shallow male voice, deeper than the last one.

I’m too weak to fight. A hot cloth is placed between my thighs as the man cleans me, doing the same to my ass.

“What’s your name? Mine is Killian,” he asks, carrying on cleaning with the hot water and towel.

“Ash. Where am I?” I ask, half knowing the answer but hoping I am given more information.

My eyes look at the heels in the rearview, lying on the floor covered in my blood. My breathing hitches, remembering what just happened, and yet this man isn't trying to hurt me, even though I know just because he's not now doesn't mean he won’t take this as an invitation for later.

“Nice to meet you, Ash. I need to get you in the bath. Will you let me?”

He asks as if I say no, he won’t just take me there, anyway.

I don’t answer. The room is silent. It’s only now that I look up and take in where I am.

The walls are off-white and dirty. The bed I'm lying on is low and nearly on the floor. The floor is brown wood, covered in scratches. The sight of my surroundings in my new home brings me nausea in the pit of my stomach.

“Will it matter if I say no?” My head curls as I try to turn around, but I’m in too much pain. I give up.

“No, it won’t.” He picks me up, cradling me and walking me out the door. Down the hall, we take two lefts until we comeupon another door. He kicks open to a bathroom, the bathtub already filled, and I’m lowered in.

The water is hotter than I would have liked. I sit with my knees to my chest, my arms hugging them. Killian walks over, placing cloths in the water before he wipes my body clean.

I have the urge to ask him to add bleach to the water, but I don’t think bleach could clean me. Nothing could clean away the touch of the man's hand all over my body in every sacred place, but now there is his. My body is nothing, at least not to me anymore. It's the man's pride and pleasure, and I just worship the ground he walks on.

If I were to dunk my whole body in the water and stop breathing, would he save me, or would he know this is a better choice than having a man violate your body at any given time?

I have no worth on this earth. All I am is a child under a man's command, but worse, I am molded to take it like a good girl.

How long until he has my soul, dignity, and my very reason to live?

Tears gather at the back of my eyes, falling without warning and dropping into the water. I feel dirty, used. Just like a dirty whore!

What kind of father sells their teenage daughter to a grown man and lets them rape and beat them up?

The man carries me back to my room, leaving me curled up on my side.

I’m taken to my arms, and the red patches from picking my skin form.

My fingers graze my skin. When I find multiple bumps, I'm unable to stop myself from digging my nails, picking them over and over. My eyes squint when the pain gets too much, but I carry on until I'm left with blood oozing out of my armin various places. I apply pressure to my arm with my hands, trying to stop the bleeding.

The constant pain is there.

Sometimes, even the worst pain can feel good. When I sit picking my skin, I feel as if I’m giving myself the punishment I deserve. The voices calm down when I do what they say, but sometimes I wish the voices would leave. I don't like hurting myself, but it's all I know. I’m not built the same as anyone else. Pain is the very thing I have known since I was a child.

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