Page 44 of Burning Souls

His fingers trace my face, bringing my chin up to look at him.

“I promise to never hurt you. You want to burn this world down. Done. I will pass you the match and watch you light the world on fire.”

“I want to feel normal or safe, I want the voice to leave and stop telling me I should be dead or it's all my fault.” His eyes trace mine as I move in closer to his chest, trying to stop crying.

He called me an Angel, something I am far from.

“You just called me Angel, why?” My eyebrows flare in confusion, and my lips curl at Sean's silence, just looking at me, biting his lower lip, and smiling at me.

“Deep down, there is a devil inside waiting to come out and play, but to me, you will always be the Angel who came into our lives at the right time. The Angel we want to love and care for.” The softness that comes with his voice has the voices melting away for a single second, and all I have is silence and peace, something I have been trying to find for a long time.

He takes the shampoo bottle and squeezes some onto my hair, then takes it by hand and massages it, lathering it up, and rinsing it out with the showerhead.

A part of me is tempted to get up and run out because this feels wrong and uncomfortable, but the other part of me knows if he wanted to hurt me, he would have done it by now.

I'm letting myself be vulnerable and cared for, something I have never let anyone do. I was taught from a young age not to, but right now it feels like the only holy thing I will ever get in this lifetime.

For just a second, I can pretend I'm an Angel and there isn't a devil trying to fight its way out and show the real me, the real person that's been hiding all these years.

“Come on, stand up. You're safe, I won't let you go. You can hold onto me as tight as you need to feel safe.” I take his hand, letting him pull me up. I stand my back to him, holding onto the wall. He reaches for the cherry-scented body wash, applying some on a sponge, starting with my back. I stop breathing. I don’t think I'm going to be able to have a man touch my body again; it feels wrong and makes me feel dirty. All I can hear is the man's voice over and over again.

“Baby, you feel so good.”

“Don't I feel good inside you?”

“NO, NO, NO. Fucking no. Get out of my head. Leave me alone!” I yell, turning around, forgetting Sean was here. His hands were placed on my shoulder, and I didn't notice. I step out of the shower, opening the drawer above the sink where I keep all my products. I whip out a gun, pointing it at his head, ready to shoot him, but my hand freezes. Fuck, Ash, why can’t you do it? Shoot him.

Fucking shoot him.

You pathetic bitch.

Do it, do it.

You're so weak.

The voice screams over and over.

“Ash put the gun down. It's me, Sean, I'm not here to hurt you.” He puts his hands in the air, showing he won't do anything, but I don't see Sean.

I see the man. Old wrinkled skin. The man who took my soul from me year after year with no care in the world. My legs give way, and I fall to my knees, letting the gun leave my hands. Sean quickly grabs it, coming over to me.

“I'm sorry. I don’t know what happened.” He comes to me, wrapping a towel around my body and taking me to his arms, he carries me to his room, placing me on the bed. He gets a new top on and slides in beside me. I happily cradle him, needing his warmth to help me sleep.

“Get some sleep, baby girl,” he says, pressing a kiss to my head and bringing the blanket over both of us.

“I'm sorry,” I say, closing my eyes, suddenly tired.

“Sweet dreams, Angel, I love you.” My eyes shut as I fade into heaven in his touch. I feel as safe as I have ever felt.

14

THE DEVIL’S HOME…

Iwake up alone, the sheets around me calm to the touch, telling me they’ve been gone for a while. I’m in a faded, worn T-shirt so large on me it falls to my knees, comforting me since I’ve also realised I’m completely naked underneath.

I get up from the bed, grab my knickers quickly, pull them on, and go downstairs.

The smell of butter, bacon, and pancakes roams through the cabin, making my stomach growl and my mouth water. Following the scent, I go to the living room and walk to the connected kitchen.

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