Page 57 of Finally Loved

It wasn’t the same as Alba, but Robin saw her, reached out, believed in her, and offered help. It was so much of what Neve always wanted in friendships. She wanted to see and understand people, to support them, to be there for them, and, suddenly, she was realizing she could have had that all along.

Maybe she was getting a little ahead of herself. But maybe that was okay.

“Come on,” Robin said, gesturing towards the door. “You don’t need to be giving this lot free labor on top of everything else you’ve got going on.”

Neve laughed and it felt nice, even if she did still feel soft and bruised around the edges. “I’ve actually got plans tonight.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah, some… new friends.”

Robin nudged her. “Look at you. Already getting out there and doing it.”

Neve blushed, but she felt happy as she gathered her things and walked out of the building with Robin. It did feel as though she’d allowed herself to be so small for so long but, no matter how exhausted she was or how scary it was, now, she was making friends with Robin and attending parties for Zainab. Maybe everything wasn’t horrible.

She wasn’t sure how she’d ever thank Alba enough for being the catalyst for better things in her life.

???

Neve laughed at Francisco’s joke. The sound was free and happy. It was an interesting experience after her conversation with Robin. For various reasons, she always felt slightly out of step with the world, but, tonight, she felt like she was part of it, like she could really connect with people.

In many ways, it was like waking up and finding yourself transplanted to a place where everyone did friendship the exact way you’d always been hoping for. Of course, it was still relatively superficial, but it was fun. She felt welcome and interesting and connected.

Though, of course, those connections were being facilitated by Alba with this group, and she had yet to see Alba not seem connected to someone, so perhaps she should have expected it.

Well, perhaps she wasn’t connected to Charlie positively, but she’d prompted a reaction. She’d mattered enough for someone to have feelings about her. Neve realized she’d only ever felt like vanilla or beige. People didn’t dislike her, but she didn’t prompt real feelings. It was nice to finally feel like she’d done so.

Alba, in conversation with some of her other friends, was standing close beside Neve at their bar table. Both of them had foregone seats and were simply leaning against it, their hands wrapped around their drinks.

The lights in the bar dimmed with the later hour and Alba shifted slightly bringing the back of her hand to rest up against Neve’s. With all of the time they were spending together, Neve was getting accustomed to how touchy Alba was, but there was something about the atmosphere of the place, how Neve wasfeeling, and the unacknowledged, almost secretive, gesture that felt electric.

She forced herself to stay present in the conversation, even as her whole body screamed at her to look at the point where Alba’s skin touched hers. Neve had learned over the years that there could be a difference between sexual and sensual, even though most people she knew thought of them as interchangeable. She’d never been quite able to explain why or how they felt different to her. But, as Alba adjusted her hand slightly, her knuckles brushing gently against Neve’s, the difference felt overpowering. Neve didn’t need sexual, didn’t want sexual, but sensual… That was something different.

Her heart pounded in her ears, louder than the music around them, and she blushed at Francisco’s knowing smile. She hadn’t even realized he’d seen her hand, but she could tell he knew.

How could he know? She hadn’t even known. Neither of them should know anything.

Someone called for Alba’s attention and she stood up straighter, pulling her hand from the table and Neve. Guilt lanced through Neve. Alba had been so good to her, a friend when she’d really needed one. She’d put up with Charlie and looked after Neve. She’d shared her friends with Neve. And now, Neve was risking that by apparently developing feelings for her? She hadn’t planned it. Hadn’t wanted to. If Neve had her way, she’d save everyone the trouble and never fall for anyone again. It wasn’t like she could give them what they wanted, what they needed. And she and Alba had covered, beyond doubt, that Alba was allosexual. What they wanted from a relationship was very different. Neve wasn’t going to risk everything for that.

She gulped her drink, hoping it was just high emotions and the glass of wine she’d had with dinner.

Alba had moved away from the table, still talking to whoever had called out to her, and Francisco leaned in conspiratorially.

He looked from side to side, ostensibly ensuring nobody would hear him. “So,” he dragged the word out, a smirk taking over his lips. “You have a little crush on Alba, huh?”

“What?” Neve gasped, almost choking, as if she hadn’t known that would be his question. “No, I don’t.”

He laughed. “It’s okay. She’s hot. You’re hot. It’s perfectly natural.”

Neve’s stomach turned. This was why she wasn’t supposed to want Alba. She’d spent more than enough time feeling like she’d missed out on theperfectly naturalpart of being attracted to people. She’d barely even felt that electric attraction she’d just felt with Alba before. Any attraction was almost always something that grew slowly from knowing someone’s personality. Sure, she could appreciate them aesthetically, but she seldom got hit with a bolt like that.

However, she really didn’t want to explain that to Francisco—someone she’d only just met, who was Alba’s friend, and who might turn on her if he knew she was ace. She figured he probably wouldn’t, but she’d seen enough people get weird and awkward about it, or ask invasive questions, or treat her like a child that she didn’t want to take her chances so early on.

“We’re really just friends,” Neve insisted, refusing to look in Alba’s direction.

Francisco tilted his head. “So were Tariq and I for a long,longtime.”

“Oh, Alba didn’t mention that you were together. She did, um, sort of mention that she thought there was something there…”

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