Page 74 of Finally Loved

“Don’t worry,” she said, leaning into Neve’s feet. “My family isn't strict about arrival times. You can take all the time you need.”

Neve smiled ruefully. “Don’t want to make a bad first impression.”

“I don’t think you possibly could. They’re going to love you.”

Neve hummed. She really wanted them to. She knew she wasn’t supposed to, at least not to the extent that she did, but she couldn’t help herself. She’d never felt more comfortable around anyone than she did around Alba. She’d never ached for someone the way she did Alba. She wanted moments like this to be something she got to have for the rest of time. And Alba was actually reasonably close with her family. It mattered that Neve made a good first impression.

Alba nodded towards the letter. “Do you want to read that before we leave?”

Neve’s face contorted in confusion. “I’m not sure I want to read it at all.”

“I support you doing what you need to.”

Neve smiled before she reached up and yanked Alba down next to her. So naturally Neve wasn’t sure Alba even realized she was doing it, her arm wrapped around Neve’s waist and pulled her closer.

How was it she was getting everything she wanted without knowing if she was actually getting everything she wanted? If she watched any other two people behave the way she and Alba did, she’d swear they were in a relationship.

“What can it possibly say that I’d want to see?” she asked, holding the envelope in the air above them.

Alba shook her head. “I have no idea, but it’s still okay if you just want to know what’s in it. And it’s okay if you don’t.”

Neve thought through everything Alba had told her about the encounter with Charlie and everything she’d discussed with Olive in therapy lately. It wasn’t everyone else’s fault that she’d been having complicated feelings about her own asexuality, but, it turned out, when multiple people dumped you for it and your apparent best friend had been holding it against you for years, it did rather impact your experience of it. Maybe she should have seen what was going on earlier, but she couldn’t go back and change anything. All she could do was accept that she knew now and work on herself. And, in truth, she liked who she’d been lately. She liked the friendships she was making. She liked whatever was happening with Alba, even if she didn’t totally understand it. She liked the way she got to just be herself—asexual and all—without anyone making her feel like she was a hindrance because of it.

In truth, Neve hadn’t even known Charlie had ever tried to hit on her. When Alba had told her about that part of their conversation, Neve hadn’t been able to figure out when she’d supposedly turned Charlie down. If she’d known what was happening, she would have said no anyway, but, as it stood, she’d done it without realizing it. The whole situation had brought her back to Olive’s words—she couldn’t control anyone else’s actions or reactions to their own emotions. It was already impossible to do if you knew what the emotions were, if you didn’t have a clue, what chance did you have?

The whole thing had actually been helpful. She’d been blaming herself so much, but now she knew. Charlie had her own narrative around their past, their relationship, and what she thought she was doing. No part of that narrative included who Neve actually was. She didn’t need to leave herself in a story like that.

She focused on the letter again. Maybe she would read it, but later. At some point when she had more distance from the situation, when she felt ready to read whatever was in it without feeling the slightest bit of guilt over not being the version of herself that Charlie had invented. It seemed to Neve that she had a few more pressing things in her life that she wanted to figure out before she was ready for that.

Without sitting up, she launched the envelope in the direction of her weekend bag. “I’ll read it when I’m ready, whenever that is.”

“Sounds good,” Alba said, squeezing her a little tighter.

Neve had discussed at length with Olive whether or not right now was even the time for her to be having feelings for someone, and, when Olive had pointed out that feelings tended to work on their own schedule, she’d debated whether now was the time to bring them up. But, if not now, when? There was never going to be a tidy little moment when everything made sense and the universe told her now was the time to have a conversation with Alba about what was going on between them. Life was happening, so were feelings, apparently, and that wasn’t going to change.

Though, maybe she’d wait just a little bit longer, so they could talk about it in the car on the way to Alba’s family beach house. Having something else to watch would at least save her some embarrassment.

“Shall we go?” she asked, patting Alba’s thigh like it was the most normal thing in the world.

Touching someone in a fairly intimate place and it being okay, it being thrilling and wonderful and not too much was everything to Neve.

Alba smiled and clambered up off the bed. “Yeah, if you’re ready for my family?”

Neve laughed as Alba helped her up and she collided with Alba’s chest. “Ready as I’ll ever be. You did say they don’t bite, right?”

“Eh. Most of them don’t, but we’ll keep you away from the ones that do.”

They gathered the last of their things and headed towards the door, Neve jumping when the buzzer rang right as she reached it.

Alba hit the intercom button. “What’s up?”

“Uh, hi. I’m here to see Zainab? Did I get the wrong apartment?” asked an unfamiliar voice.

Alba broke into a massive, accusatory grin. “Nah. You got the right place. Come on up.”

Neve eyed her questioningly, but Alba just raised her eyebrows and called, “Zainab, you have a visitor,” in a sing-song voice.

Neve stifled a laugh as she heard Zainab curse in the other room, suddenly catching on to what was happening.

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