Page 60 of Finally Loved

“Eh. That was at least an hour ago. But, hey, if you don’t want any, that’s fine by me.”

“I didn’t say that.”

Zainab gestured to the car with a flourish. “Shall we then?”

“Pretty sure Tariq’s the one with the power to unlock it.”

“Pretty sure they already did.”

“Oh.” Alba looked from Zainab and Tariq to the car. She’d been in it more than enough times to know the noise it made when the doors unlocked. She hadn’t heard it at all. Hadn’t noticed anything at all—nothing besides Neve.

She grinned, playing the moment off. They all knew the deal, they didn’t need to linger on it.

Tariq laughed and headed to the driver’s seat, breaking the stalemate moment for the others and allowing them to move too.

Alba had always assumed that the non-drinkers in a group must have reams of stories from nights out—some that their friends couldn’t remember, depending on the group, she supposed—but their group was pretty tame. Tariq didn’t drinkat all, Francisco was sometimes open to a glass of wine with dinner, but not always, and the others had a couple, but nobody ever ended up particularly drunk. Ordinarily, Alba might consider that a positive—being the sober friend in a trashed group couldn’t be the most fun night out—but, now, she found herself realizing that that meant nobody was going to forget the way she’d been acting with Neve all night. And nobody had a better story to tell that would render this all unimportant by comparison.

She finally let go of Neve’s hand to get into the car, squeezing herself into the middle seat between Zainab and Neve, despite Neve’s insistence that she could go in the middle, and her hand felt cold. The connection between them was broken and all of the emotions that had been building up inside of her all night seemed to be bouncing anxiously around with nowhere to go.

She wanted to reach out and hold Neve’s hand again as they settled into the car and Tariq drove them home, but the situation wasn’t ideal, and she was painfully aware that she didn’t know what it meant. She’d never been particularly hung up on what things meant before, but she cared with Neve. The last thing she wanted was to take advantage, to push Neve into something she didn’t want, or to ruin their friendship.

Sure, she could no longer deny how strong her feelings were, but she wanted Neve in her life. She was perfectly happy to just be friends. Although, if they were going to do that, tonight’s antics had probably just demonstrated that a conversation was warranted. One where Alba explained her feelings, apologized for her actions, and was clear about not simply being interested in Neve for… sex.

She frowned, the conversation between the others washing over her.

There was a part of her that wanted Neve physically, of course there was, but it really wasn’t about that. She wantedNeve in a bigger way, a more complete way. In many ways, she didn’twantto have sex with her. Not because she wasn’t attracted to her, but because she knew Neve would never want that. She’d never understood or wanted someone like that before. Every relationship—fling, possibly—she’d ever had had been born from physical attraction, sexual attraction. She’d never dated anyone she’d known first. She’d never wanted to.

Not once had she ever just enjoyed someone sitting beside her in a car. Not once had she ever felt such an electric thrill from holding someone’s hand. Not once had she ached to kiss someone just to be consumed by kissing them. It had always been enjoyable, but it had been heavy with the anticipation of sex. The way she wanted to kiss Neve was so unfamiliar that she felt like a teenager waiting for her first kiss all over again. It wasn’t even comparable to anything that had happened in her adult years. The thought of kissing Neve felt like… wanting to kiss someone’s soul, rather than their body.

She had no idea how it all worked, but she was glad she hadn’t lived her whole life never feeling it.

Her eyes drifted to Zainab. Even she couldn’t have imagined this, but howhadshe known? Getting over Neve was going to be a million times more difficult than anything Alba had ever done before. Somewhere in her heart, she felt like she might never have truly been in love before. She’d thought she had, but then Neve…

Neve’s index finger brushed deliberately against the side of Alba’s knee. Zainab might have seen it, but the other two wouldn’t have.

Alba looked at her with a questioning smile.

“Are you okay?” she asked in the softest whisper.

Alba nodded. “Yeah, I’m good.” How could she be anything but when Neve was there, looking out for her?

She was in so deep.

They made it back to their apartment, and through Zainab asking if Tariq and Francisco wanted to come in, without Alba zoning out again. They declined but spent so long saying goodbye to Neve that Alba’s heart began to ache again. They adored her. Of course they did. When the two of them first met, she’d spent an hour with Neve and basically rewritten the entire course of her life. Of course spending an evening with her caused them to love her too. Neve just fit in so well with the group. They were Alba’s family here, her chosen family, and she could see all of the ways Neve just fit, all of the relationships she’d build, all of the ways she’d be adored for exactly who she was. And, after everything with Charlie and Alice, Alba almost wanted to cry watching people genuinely appreciate Neve for all that she was.

Alba almost rolled her eyes at herself. She was so sappy in love.

The three of them made their way up to their apartment and, again, Alba was hit with how wonderful it was to see Neve relaxing here. Alba had never been one for the whole U-Hauling thing, but she finally realized why it was a thing. Neve could pitch up in her room and never leave and Alba wouldn’t spend one day of the rest of her life upset about it.

“Cake, then?” Zainab asked, grinning.

“Do you even need to ask?” Alba shot back.

Neve laughed. “Do you mind if I just take a quick shower first? I’ll only be a minute.”

“Not at all.” Alba waved in the direction of her room and the bathroom. “You know where everything is. Help yourself.”

Neve gave her the sweetest, most grateful smile, and something delicious shot through Alba at the idea of Neve really treating this place like it was her home—going through Alba’s toiletries, helping herself to towels… It wasn’t anything, really—anyone could do it—and yet, it felt so achingly sweet when it was Neve.

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