Page 52 of Finally Loved

“But it isn’t really tenable long-term.”

Alba shrugged. “I don’t think so. I think it eats you alive eventually.”

“Yeah…” Neve’s chest ached so badly. She couldn’t remember it ever hurting so much. It probably had, but she couldn’t recall it. Or, maybe it hadn’t, and this was simply what happened when you grew up and the painful, heartbreaking situations simply started stacking themselves on one another. When it had only been her family, that was bad, but it was just one thing. This was Charlie, and Roxanne, and her previous breakups, and her family, and, and, and…

Maybe she’d made it to adulthood after all. Maybe adulthood was simply this. A laundry list of all the times she’d been hurt.

She looked at her hand still in Alba’s, up at Alba’s face, and, finally, out over the city again.

No. She didn’t believe that. Adulthood wasn’t merely all the things that hurt us. It couldn’t be. She wouldn’t let it. She wasn’t yet sure how to make it something else, but she did know that,despite how bad today had been, this place, this moment with Alba, was good. And if you could have good moments on your worst days, then adulthood had to be more than that.

Alba reached across her body with her free arm, moving Neve’s hair out of her face. “You know you deserve better than the hand you’ve been dealt. You deserved better than your shitty ex who thought breaking up in a Best Buy was the right thing to do. And you deserved better than Charlie.”

“It’s not all their fault—”

“Yes. It is.”

Neve looked at her incredulously. “I really don’t think that’s true.”

“I’m sure you don’t, but I do. And I believe it more than enough for both of us. So, until you can believe it for yourself, let me believe in you.”

Neve thought she’d already cried herself out of tears but her eyes filled with them again. Different this time. Warmth felt as though it was flowing from Alba and into all of the cracks in Neve’s chest, not quite healing all of the damage, but filling it with something better than pain and self-hatred.

She pursed her lips, trying not to cry. She had never realized how badly she just needed to hear someone tell her they believed in her and really, truly mean it. She’d been waiting a long time.

She nodded and received a gentle smile in response.

Barely cognizant enough to consider her actions, she shuffled closer to Alba, closing the final space between them, and rested her head on Alba’s shoulder, their hands still clutched together on her knee. She’d never been one for simply falling asleep in public spaces but, after everything, she felt like she absolutely would fall asleep right there if they stayed for long enough.

She probably should have insisted that they leave, mentioned that she was barely hanging on, but she didn’t wantto. All of the horrible things were easier to exist with when it was just her, Alba, and the view. So, instead, she stayed there, breathing in Alba’s comforting scent as her view of the city became fuzzier and fuzzier and the only real thing was Alba.

Chapter 16

Alba looked over at Neve in her passenger seat, fast asleep. She wished it could be more comfortable to sleep in a car all night because she couldn’t bear to wake Neve, not again, but they didn’t really have much choice. Alba didn’t like her chances of trying to lift Neve out of the car without hitting her head or dropping her.

She probably should have left the lookout earlier, given Neve a chance to go home if that was what she wanted. She’d felt her slipping off to sleep, but Alba hadn’t wanted to move. Neve was exhausted and broken, but she’d obviously felt safe there, with Alba. So, despite feeling her drifting off, Alba had stayed there. Not so long that Neve’s body would punish her for the awkward sleeping position, but long enough that she got a little sleep. Alba had then practically carried a stumbling Neve back to the car and brought her here, to Alba’s apartment, where she could be safe. She wasn’t safe at home, and Alba didn’t need it pointing out toher that carrying a half-asleep Neve into her apartment would cause more problems with Charlie.

She cut the engine and looked at her things. There was no way she was going to be able to carry everything in one go.

Neve was the priority.

Alba got out of the car, moving around to the passenger side and unbuckling Neve. She barely stirred. Alba could only imagine how drained she must be.

“Neve,” she said softly, quietly. “We’re going to get out of the car now and get you into bed.”

Neve mumbled and moved more willingly than Alba imagined she would in the same situation.

She was mostly carrying Neve as they walked across the asphalt towards the complex, but she didn’t mind. She preferred that Neve get some rest.

By the time they were in the elevator, Neve was basically fast asleep on her again, her soft, warm breath dancing over Alba’s neck. With no interest in waking her a third time, Alba waited until they were almost at her floor before scooping Neve up into a bridal carry.

Opening the door to her apartment was a little fussy—Alba wasn’t accustomed to carrying women around like that—but all that mattered was getting Neve to a bed, so she managed it eventually. It was only once the door was swinging open that she realized she could have texted Zainab from the elevator to open the door or simply knocked.

However, her approach was worth it to see the moment of surprise on Zainab’s face as she took in the sight of Alba bursting through the door with Neve in her arms. The surprise quickly faded into something both knowing and smug, but Alba ignored it and headed straight for her bedroom.

She’d been careful about not dirtying Neve’s sheets when she’d stayed there, and they had both just been sitting on a wornpicnic bench, but she wasn’t about to undress Neve without permission, so, removing just her shoes, she tucked Neve into the bed and vowed to simply wash her sheets tomorrow.

Alba didn’t mean to linger, but she paused by the door. Neve sighed, snuggling into the pillow, and Alba was relieved to see the way some of the stress slipped from her muscles. If she’d done nothing else this week than make Neve feel safe for even a single moment, that was enough.

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